Tom Hiddleston should keep a lighter in his pants pocket at all times. That way whenever anyone brings up that mortifying moment when he traded in his dignity for a little pap fame by wearing that I ♥ T.S. tank top out in public, he can set his pants on fire and say, “Oh look, my pants are on fire. I have to go. Bye.” But during a two day-long interview with GQ’s Taffy Brodesser-Akner, Tom was asked about the most embarrassing clothing item since the skort and he goes on and on and on about it and gets deep. That would’ve been the perfect time for Tom to quote his former employer Taylor Swift by saying, “I would like to be excluded from this narrative.”
Taffy spent two days in London with Tom and the article that came from their time together is a thing of hilarious, cringe-inducing beauty. It’s got the right touch of pure snark and sarcasm. What I got from Taffy’s piece, is that spending time with Tom is like spending time with Nermal from Garfield if Nermal from Garfield was a prep school drama student. He comes off exhausting, pretentious, a bit endearing and it seems like all he wants in the world is for you to like him, goddammit. If you haven’t already, read the entire thing. Taffy deserves a Pulitzer in snark and a Medal of Honor for sitting through his Tom Hanks impersonation.
The topic of ToTay came up during dinner. Taffy asked Tom if their relationship was real. Taffy writes that at first, Tom talked about Taylor as though he was reading from the script her PR team gave him before he signed their relationship contract termination papers.
“Taylor is an amazing woman,” reads the prepared statement Tom Hiddleston has memorized and is now giving me at The Bull & Last, where his voice has gone low. “She’s generous and kind and lovely, and we had the best time.” But I didn’t ask that, I say. I asked something else. So I wait, and he says, “Of course it was real.”
Taffy asked about THE TANK TOP. Tom’s answer confirms to me that one of the items in the Taylor Swift Squad orientation pack is an I ♥ T.S. tank top. And Tom also let us know that he doesn’t pack t-shirts when he goes on a beach vacation.