It’s been about 15 months since we learned that 24-year-old Jessa Seewald and her 21-year-old husband Ben Seewald committed a heinous act of cruelty against their own human baby by naming the poor kid Spurgeon Elliot Seewald. The good news for Spurgeon is that when he goes to Starbucks in the future and he tells the barista his name, they’ll say, “Oh shit, I’m sorry, this drink’s on me.” And when he tells them that he’s also a Duggar, they’ll say, “Oh fuck, you know, here’s everything from our tip box, take it and put it toward changing your name and getting away from those crazies.”
In the time since Jessa and Ben named their son Spurgeon (SPURGEON!), she continued her family’s legacy of popping out as many humans as possible by getting pregnant with her second. The Duggar family’s newest fetus machine gave birth to a son this morning.
Jessa and Ben announced the arrival of the newest cast member of their TLC show on their site. They didn’t say what they named their second kid, because they’re not going to give it all away, duh. Jessa’s attention whore parents taught her how to milk a pregnancy announcement for every single drop.
“We are so happy to announce the arrival of our sweet second son. He was born at 4:26 a.m. this morning, weighing 8 lbs. and 11 oz., and measuring 21 3/4 in. long. Mom and baby are both doing well. We are so thankful to God for this precious new gift of life and are excited to be a family of four! Thanks to everyone for your prayers and well wishes!”
Spurgeon was named after a British preacher from the olden times named Charles Spurgeon. So if they keep with the “religious figures whose last name starts with an S” theme, I hope, for their kid’s sake, they name him Sand Seewald (after angelic goddess Shauna Sand).
And I bet the newest Duggar baby can already speak English. I mean, he had to learn real fast so he could say the words, “Just please name me Sam.”