Dlisted weekend guy and known malcontent, J. Harvey, is publicly apologizing to actress Kristen Stewart for ever criticizing her lack of emotion in her performances, her general surliness, and this outfit. Stewart’s opening monologue on SNL last night, in which she ridiculed President Donald Trump’s bizarre Twitter obsession with her and former romantic interest Robert Pattinson’s relationship back in the Twilight-era (as well as dropping a “fuck” in at the end for emphasis), has absolved her of any celebrity wrong-doing now and forever, according to Mr. Harvey. He will now binge-watch the Twilight saga for the first time ever as penance. Thank you.
That was the statement my assistant just issued to the AP, Reuters, and the Weekly World News.
Kristen Stewart’s monologue on Saturday Night Live last night was a beautiful moment, in which she used the leader of the free world’s wack-a-doodle tweets about her from several years back to drag him.
She surmised that Donald Trump might have been jealous of her because he was in love with Edward the sparkly vampire. She also noted that Trump might like her even less now that she’s “so gay, dude.” There was a bit in which Kate McKinnon and Aidy Bryant butched up to impress her. I’m even ignoring the sheer skirt with the bike shorts she was sporting.
It was very lesbian and delightful enough, but then an enthused Kristen got so amped up over how well it was all going that her mouth went to F-Bomb Land.
Via Vanity Fair:
But it may all be overshadowed thanks to Stewart’s slip-up right at the end. In a move that has gotten cast members fired in the past, Stewart dropped an accidental f-bomb. “Well, I’ll never be back!” she said with an embarrassed grin.
Lorne Michaels seems to be picking hosts and performers for the show right now (we’ll get to Melissa McCarthy’s impression of angry undead press secretary Sean Spicer in a second) for only one reason – to piss Trump off. Kristen didn’t have anything big to promote, and neither did last week’s host Aziz Ansari. I’m guessing he’s going to let Kristen’s brief obscenity slip. Also, our current political situation would make any rational person yell “fuck” several times in a given day. There’s probably planetary citizens out there dropping “fuck” on the half-hour. It’s just how it is now.
You can watch Kristen’s monologue below.
And to add to the sapphic hijinks, Vanessa Bayer played a housewife feeding her hungry husband and his pals in a faux Tostinos commercial that turned into a beautiful (and French) lesbian awakening (with Tostinos) when Kristen Stewart’s “Sabine” showed up. It was basically a “Dinah Shore Golf Weekend” at SNL last night, and it was beautiful.