It’s official: every pitch meeting for a new Mariah Carey video starts with her saying, “Okay, so my tits are going to be out and I’m going to touch myself while butt humping a chair or whatever.” I bet the storyboards for a Mimi video are nothing but screen shots from Yandy.com.
Mimi has a new song out called I Don’t (“And you shouldn’t” – everyone) and I guess it’s supposed to be about her break up from Billionaire Shrek. But what that song is really doing is serving as another reason for Mimi to deliver her signature brand of demure ho shit. The video for I Don’t starts out with Mimi running out of her wedding, and it ends with her burning her wedding dress. TMZ says that the dress Mimi burns in the video is the actual custom-made $250,000 Valentino gown that she was supposed to wear while becoming a billionaire’s wife in Bora Bora. The video was also shot at the mansion in Calabasas, CA where Mimi and Billionaire Shrek lived together.
Ho, please. I’m really supposed to believe that Mimi was going to wear a body-covering gown to her wedding in Bora Bora? We all know she was going to wear this virginal ensemble:
Most of the video features Mimi doing what everyone does while mourning the end of a relationship: she busts out some Playboy Playmate video moves in a car and scoots her ass against the seat like she’s got worms. Mimi’s mourning outfits include the Black Canary Slut-o-ween costume above and this extremely exquisite stripper gown:
I’ve watched this video at least six times and I loved every awkward second of it. Mimi creates a car crash without even turning on the engine. Because of how much she loves on herself and that car, I don’t know if she’s trying to tell us if she’s into mechanophilia (wanting to fuck machines) or mimiphilia (wanting to really fuck Mimi). It’s the second one, obviously
And here’s a bonus shot of elegance: Mimi “exercising” in sensible workout attire.