Johnny Depp Is Living That Opulent Wine Hobo Life

February 1, 2017 / Posted by:

While many of us feel like a regular Zsa Zsa Gabor when we sip Cupcake Prosecco out of a family heirloom (aka a plastic champagne flute taken from your cousin’s wedding), one percenters like Johnny Depp won’t even open their guzzle holes for a bottle of wine that costs less than $1,000.

Johnny is currently in the middle of a $25 million lawsuit against his ex-business managers for allegedly defrauding his ass out of tens of millions of dollars. Johnny’s ex-money management company, The Management Group, spit back at him with a counter-lawsuit that claims they didn’t fuck away his millions, he did. Page Six says that the lawsuit from TMG claims that Johnny blew through $2 million a month and that includes his monthly wine bill of $30,000. All that fancy wine! Johnny’s piss can probably get a 95-point review from Wine Spectator. If he really needs cash, he can charge for wine tastings on his dick. I mean, it shoots out expensive wine and is probably covered with fromage and a sticky substance that can easily pass for fig jelly.

Johnny claimed in his lawsuit that TMG took out loans without him knowing and didn’t tell him that his financial situation was bleak until they advised him to sell one of his properties to pay off debts. Johnny fired TMG. His new money management company supposedly discovered the shifty shit that was going down. TMG claimed in their lawsuit that they regularly warned Johnny about spending too much money, but he ignored them and kept spending like Disney just gave the greenlight to ten more Pirates of the Caribbean movies.

According to TMG, it costs at least $2 million a month to be Johnny Depp. Johnny owns 14 properties around the world, 45 luxury cars and an $18 million yacht. TMG listed just a few of his monthly expenses:

  • $30,000 on wines that are flown to him around the world
  • $200,000 on renting private planes.
  • $150,000 on 24-hour security
  • $300,000 on a staff of 40

Johnny also paid $3 million to blast Hunter S. Thompson’s ashes out of a cannon over Aspen, CO. I’m sure that Nicolas Cage is pfft-ing at that one, because I bet he spent $15 million on sending the ashes of a 13th century Scottish prince to space where a drone scattered them on the moon.

The Hollywood Reporter says that TMG is suing Johnny for breach of contract and promissory fraud. They want Johnny to pay the $4.2 million they claim he owes them. They also want him to declare that he’s the one who caused his shitty financial situation. TMG stated this in their lawsuit:

“Depp often responded by rebuking and cursing his business managers for issuing such warnings and advice, while increasing his extravagant lifestyle and spending, and demanding that his business managers find some way to pay for it all. Depp, and Depp alone, is fully responsible for any financial turmoil he finds himself in today. He has refused to live within his means, despite the best efforts of TMG and the repeated warnings about his financial condition from TMG and his other advisors.

TMG did everything within its power over the last 17 years to protect Depp from himself and to keep Depp financially solvent. However, ultimately TMG did not have the power or ability to control Depp’s spending or his numerous other vices, or to force Depp to make wiser financial decisions.””

“Other vices” may be code for scarves or COKE!

And Johnny stalling on paying Amber Heard’s settlement suddenly makes sense….

Sure, Johnny may piss away tons of money every month, but he also saves a lot of cash every month too. I mean, he obviously doesn’t spend any money on shampoo, conditioner, soap, water, deodorant, toothpaste, floss, mouthwash and dental hygiene. And the rare times when he does get a bath, it’s because CDC officials are able to catch him in the wild and drag him to a quarantine tent where he’s hosed done with ammonia. And when that happens, the taxpayers probably cover it. So there!


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