Seen above is the Great Value Brad Pitt of early-00s television, Chad Michael Murray, as rich shithead Tristan Dugray in Gilmore Girls. Tristan was a main-ish character in the early seasons, so everyone figured that he would be brought back for Netflix’s revival, Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life. So of course Tristan came back, but Chad Michael Murray didn’t.
Rattle Me Bones!
Rattle Me Bones is a game that is still around today, but it first came from the era where all great things came from: the 80s! It was pretty much like Operation. You and your friends took turns spinning a tiny wheel and the item that the arrow landed on is what you had to take off of Marc Anthony’s pirate uncle. You had to slowly take off the item, and if you weren’t careful, the pirate would start shaking like a methhead after not getting their fix, or like me when I go a month without writing about Phoebe Price. Whoever snatched off the most items from the Rattle Me Bones skeleton without him freaking out won the game. But honestly, I don’t think anybody won the game, because everybody limped away with frazzled nerves. That’s a lot of goddamn pressure to put on a child whose nerves are brand new! If you didn’t pull off a plastic necklace just right, that skeleton would look like he was having a seizure, a stroke, an overdose and getting electrocuted all at once. It was traumatizing.
Speaking of traumatizing, here’s the Rattle Me Bones’ theme song and commercial, which always scared the piss out of me:
Now that the Rattle Me Bones song has rattled my ears and brain, it’s never ever going to leave my head. I wish I could reach into my head and very carefully pull the song off of my brain. But I can’t, so I’ll just have to live with the curse forever…or until I break it by listening to the Nestle Alpine White song a few times.
Pic: InThe80s (For Jonelle)
Edward James Olmos (70)
O’Shea Jackson Jr. (26)
Trace Cyrus (28)
Lleyton Hewitt (36)
Floyd Mayweather, Jr. (40)
Chad Hugo (43)
Bonnie Somerville (43)
Gillian Flynn (46)
Billy Zane (51)
Kristin Davis (52)
Todd Field (53)
Michelle Shocked (55)
Beth Broderick (58)
Paula Zahn (61)
Helen Shaver (66)
Debra Jo Rupp (66)
Rupert Holmes (70)
Barry Bostwick (72)
Paul Jones of Manfred Mann (75)
Dominic Chianese (86)
Steve Jobs (1955-2011)
Abe Vigoda (1921-2016)
Pic: Miami Vice Online
This is the poster for Atomic Blonde, which stars Charlize Theron and comes out in July. Based on that fanmade-looking poster and the title, that movie looks like an action comedy about a Debbie Harry impersonator who works as an assassin on the side. But no, it’s a spy thriller about an MI6 agent who gets sent to Berlin to take down an espionage ring during the Cold War in the 80s. Seriously. – Lainey Gossip
I never thought I’d type this, but during these times, I fully embrace these laugh-inducing pictures of Kim Kartrashian looking like the 90s diarrhea’d all over her – Celebitchy
Bella Hadid looks like she’s at the most boring Eyes Wide Shut orgy ever – Drunken Stepfather
The next Alien movie has a gay couple in it, so we now know who gets killed off first – Towleroad
Kate Upton’s baseball-playing piece refuses to pitch some peen at her before and after games – The Superficial
I usually can’t with Anne Hathaway, but my dead heart did warm up over her protecting her dog’s eyeballs from the flashes – Popoholic
Some Stanford dude subtly flipped us off while on Jeopardy, and yes, I swooned, because I’m that easy – SOW
Bar Refaeli posed for pictures for Elle – Hollywood Tuna
Duchess Kate killed a fashion house – Jezebel
Ariel Winter is looking more like Kariel Kardashian – IDLYITW
Wait, so Brit Brit Spears’ umbrella isn’t in the Smithsonian? – OMG Blog
Matt Reeves will direct The Batman after all – Just Jared
Well, if Eva Mendes doesn’t want to go to the Oscars with Ryan Gosling, I’m available. And I’m an easy and cheap date! Although, shit may get awkward when I booo after La La Land wins Best Picture – Popsugar
Because it’s a day that ends in “day“, Robin Thicke and Paula Patton are still bringing drama to their custody battle. TMZ says that Paula recently filed papers accusing Robin of skullduggery. Thankfully, the latest accusation from Paula has nothing to do with child abuse or visitation sadness. This time it’s all about Robin allegedly trying to work his sleazy game on their DCFS case worker.
Justin Bieber’s au pair better schedule him in for a refresher course at the Potty Training Academy of Calabasas, because it looks like he forgot to shake after going pee pee times. His au pair also needs to take down his potty training academy certificate from the wall above his toilet, because he doesn’t deserve it!
While looking like a Tyco brand Lil’ Eminen doll, the Biebs strolled to his SUV in West Hollywood, CA yesterday and a paparazzi took video of him and the giant wet spot on his $690 (now just $483!!!) Vetements sweats. Justin Bieber “dated” the wrong Kartrashian. He should’ve dated Kim.
Now, the Biebs could’ve spilled something on his overpriced Walmart-looking sweats, but going with that is no fun, so let’s just say that he pissed himself. It makes for a better host for this OP. “Oh pee,” get it? (“Yes, even a Bieber would get that ‘joke’.” – you)
Justin Bieber is Pissed!!! (VIDEO) https://t.co/FfJdrWF18H
— TMZ (@TMZ) February 23, 2017
The human Pee Pee Doll laughed about this on Instagram, but it wasn’t not funny. The skilled potty trainers who worked so hard to get him to pee on the targets are disappointed and sad. Besides, Fergie pissed on herself better.