Archives: February 2017

Night Crumbs

February 23, 2017 / Posted by:

This is the poster for Atomic Blonde, which stars Charlize Theron and comes out in July. Based on that fanmade-looking poster and the title, that movie looks like an action comedy about a Debbie Harry impersonator who works as an assassin on the side. But no, it’s a spy thriller about an MI6 agent who gets sent to Berlin to take down an espionage ring during the Cold War in the 80s. Seriously. – Lainey Gossip

I never thought I’d type this, but during these times, I fully embrace these laugh-inducing pictures of Kim Kartrashian looking like the 90s diarrhea’d all over her – Celebitchy

Bella Hadid looks like she’s at the most boring Eyes Wide Shut orgy ever – Drunken Stepfather

The next Alien movie has a gay couple in it, so we now know who gets killed off first – Towleroad

Kate Upton’s baseball-playing piece refuses to pitch some peen at her before and after games – The Superficial

I usually can’t with Anne Hathaway, but my dead heart did warm up over her protecting her dog’s eyeballs from the flashes – Popoholic

Some Stanford dude subtly flipped us off while on Jeopardy, and yes, I swooned, because I’m that easy – SOW

Bar Refaeli posed for pictures for ElleHollywood Tuna

Duchess Kate killed a fashion house – Jezebel

Ariel Winter is looking more like Kariel Kardashian – IDLYITW

Wait, so Brit Brit Spears’ umbrella isn’t in the Smithsonian? – OMG Blog

Matt Reeves will direct The Batman after all – Just Jared

Well, if Eva Mendes doesn’t want to go to the Oscars with Ryan Gosling, I’m available. And I’m an easy and cheap date! Although, shit may get awkward when I booo after La La Land wins Best Picture – Popsugar

Pic: @CharlizeAfrica

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Paula Patton Accuses Robin Thicke Of Buttering Up Their Social Worker With Fancy Dinner

February 23, 2017 / Posted by:

Because it’s a day that ends in “day“, Robin Thicke and Paula Patton are still bringing drama to their custody battle. TMZ says that Paula recently filed papers accusing Robin of skullduggery. Thankfully, the latest accusation from Paula has nothing to do with child abuse or visitation sadness. This time it’s all about Robin allegedly trying to work his sleazy game on their DCFS case worker.

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Open Post: Hosted By Justin Bieber’s Tribute To Fergie

February 23, 2017 / Posted by:

Justin Bieber’s au pair better schedule him in for a refresher course at the Potty Training Academy of Calabasas, because it looks like he forgot to shake after going pee pee times. His au pair also needs to take down his potty training academy certificate from the wall above his toilet, because he doesn’t deserve it!

While looking like a Tyco brand Lil’ Eminen doll, the Biebs strolled to his SUV in West Hollywood, CA yesterday and a paparazzi took video of him and the giant wet spot on his $690 (now just $483!!!) Vetements sweats. Justin Bieber “dated” the wrong Kartrashian. He should’ve dated Kim.

Now, the Biebs could’ve spilled something on his overpriced Walmart-looking sweats, but going with that is no fun, so let’s just say that he pissed himself. It makes for a better host for this OP. “Oh pee,” get it? (“Yes, even a Bieber would get that ‘joke’.” – you)

The human Pee Pee Doll laughed about this on Instagram, but it wasn’t not funny. The skilled potty trainers who worked so hard to get him to pee on the targets are disappointed and sad. Besides, Fergie pissed on herself better.

Pic: Splash

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My Thoughts Are With Every Coachella Ticketing Agent Today….

February 23, 2017 / Posted by:

Coachella’s tickets are sold through Festival Ticketing, and well, if you’re a weed dealer who wants to make some easy money, stand outside of Festival Ticketing’s call center today. Because nearly every agent may need something mind-numbing to deal with the Beyhive angrily buzzing in their ears all day. The organizers of Coachella announced today that Beyonce has pulled out of headlining due to the fact that the twin messiahs are growing in her body.

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Jennifer Garner Might Not Be Filing For Divorce From Ben Affleck Just Yet

February 23, 2017 / Posted by:

After two long years of wondering if Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner were ever going to get divorced, we were finally given an update last week. A source had told UsWeekly that it was only a matter of time before Jen filed divorce papers and made Ben her second ex-husband. Star magazine was so confident she was about to file for divorce that they put the story on the cover of their latest issue. Well, Gossip Cop is calling BS on those recent divorce rumors. Here we go again!

Gossip Cop is side-eyeing a source that recently told Star that Ben and Jen got into a “nasty fight” last month, which then triggered her need for a divorce. Another Star source claims that Jen has had enough of Ben’s drama, and that she was sick of him putting himself first before their family. A source tells Gossip Cop it’s all fiction; there was no fight, and there are no divorce papers. Nothing has changed in the world of Bennifer II. Their source adds that Ben and Jen “remain close” and that they’re committed to co-parenting their three kids.

However, Gossip Cop adds that a divorce isn’t out of the question. Ben and Jen haven’t reconciled or anything.

You’d think that after two years in relationship limbo, Jen’s hand would be signing imaginary divorce papers in her sleep. But for whatever reason she might not want to do it at the moment. Jen seems like a considerate type. She’s probably just waiting for Ben to finish trying to get divorced from The Batman before she dumps another divorce on him.

Pic: Splash

The Immortal Keanu Reeves Said Words About “Ageing”

February 23, 2017 / Posted by:

 

Keanu Reeves did a long interview with Esquire UK (via Celebitchy) to promote the sequel to John Wick, my favorite movie about a human avenging his dead dog. And during the interview with writer Johnny Davis, he talked about practically every movie he’s been in and also burped up his thoughts on the Sad Keanu meme from the days of internet yore as well as everyone saying that he’s an ageless vampire.

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