Archives: February 2017

Hot Slut Of The Day!

February 28, 2017 / Posted by:

This seal who gave the look of 100% love when hugging a plushie toy version of itself! 

Mombetsu Land is an animal attraction-type place on the Japanese prefecture of Hokkaido, and last week, its Twitter page caused hearts to explode out of chests when they tweeted pictures of a seal experiencing love at first sight with a seal plushie toy. One of Mombetsu Land’s staff members gave the seal a soft, cuddly toy version of itself and as Michael Bolton’s Now That I Found You softly played in its head, it hugged its new soulmate like Leonardo DiCaprio hugging his Oscar for the first time, or like a stoned me hugging a bag of In-N-Out at the end of the night, or like Kanye West hugging a Kanye West plushie toy.

Yes, this seal is conceited as hell, but conceitedness has never been so awww-inducing before.

If you’re getting married and are in the middle of writing your vows, stop writing them. All you have to do is hold up your phone with these pictures on it and say to your piece while on the altar, “Do you promise to be the seal to my seal toy?” If they don’t say, “I do,” right away, dump the bitch then and there. They aren’t worthy!

The tricks on Twitter have been doing this thing for a while where they tweet a picture of a couple and ask, “Name a more iconic duo… I’ll wait.” Well, name a more iconic duo.

And I won’t wait, because naming one is impossible since no duo is more iconic than this duo!

Pic: @mombetsu_land

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Birthday Sluts

February 28, 2017 / Posted by:

Stephanie Beacham (70)
Olivia Palermo (31)
Fefe Dobson (32)
Karolina Kurkova (33)
Natalia Vodianova (35)
Jason Aldean (40)
Ali Larter (41)
Rory Cochrane (45)
Tasha Smith (46)
Tangi Miller (47)
Patrick Monahan (48)
Robert Sean Leonard (48)
Rae Dawn Chong (56)
Ainsley Harriot (60)
John Turturro (60)
Cindy Wilson (60)
Gilbert Gottfried (62)
Bernadette Peters (69)
Mercedes Ruehl (69)
Mike Figgis (69)
Kelly Bishop (73)
Mario Andretti (77)
Tommy Tune (78)
Gavin MacLeod (86)

Pic: ABC

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Night Crumbs

February 27, 2017 / Posted by:

Moonlight’s Trevante Rhodes stripped down to his chonies for an ad for Calvin Klein Underwear and you probably don’t know whether to fap, or do crunches, or both at the same time – Towleroad

Casey Affleck thinks Ben Affleck has been under-appreciated…. There’s not enough bitch, pleases in the world  – Lainey Gossip 

The newest Kong: Skull Island trailer is out and I’m just here for John Goodman and the battle between Khlozilla and Courtney StoddenThe Superficial

Alleged sexual predator Casey Affleck dragged alleged sexual predator Donald TrumpCelebitchy

Kim Zolciak’s daughter turned 20 and I’m guessing that Kim gave her the gift of either lipo or a facelift. What am I saying? She probably got both of those on her 12th birthday! – Reality Tea 

Nothing like a casual coochie slip on the Oscars red carpet – Drunken Stepfather

If Emily RideAJetSki is trying to do an impersonation of a hollow mannequin, she nailed it! – Hollywood Tuna

The good thing about Kate Beckinsale’s dress, is that she can easily dust a table with her chichis if it needs it – Popoholic

Josh Hartnett is going to be a dad again – Popsugar

Gossip Girl (aka Dan Humphrey) got married – Just Jared

Wonder Woman is on the cover of EmpireIDLYITW

Bob Harper had a major heart attack while working out. See! Exercise is dangerous and can kill! – NewNowNext

Who hasn’t gotten arrested after sleep-driving into a pole and then running from the cops while not wearing pants and in a booze and Ambien-induced haze? – Starcasm

Pic: Calvin Klein

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And Now For The Dudes Of The Oscars

February 27, 2017 / Posted by:

We’re finally ending our never-ending Oscar coverage today and the best way to end it is with some man pieces who were probably suffocating in their nut-hugging pants and wanted to take it all off halfway through the show. They should’ve. It would’ve made that mess a hundred million times better and awakened all my senses.

My best dressed chick of the Oscars is definitely Charlize Theron, because with that ponytail, casual diamond earrings and daytime gold la-may gown, she was done up like Alexis Carrington making a quick trip to the supermarket. It was very daytime casual Dynasty. And my best dressed dude is definitely Ryan Gosling, who looks like he reeks of Jovan Musk oil and is about to pick you up in his dad’s gold two-tone Lincoln Continental Mark V to take you to the senior prom where he’s going to feel you up while slow dancing to The Closer I Get To You. And he’s definitely the one who spiked the punch.

Ryan wore Gucci (duh) and I couldn’t tell if those were actual ruffles or trompe l’oeil ruffles (Side note: I don’t do drag, but if I ever did, I’ve got dibs on the name Tramp Louie Ruffles.) And then there’s the smooth rat Pharrell, who dressed like a maître d at an underground restaurant that only serves virgin blood and is owned by Kunty Karl. There’s a reason why Pharrell looks like that. He’s wearing Chanel.

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And here’s a million more pictures of the dudes from the Oscars. Come for Mahershala Ali and come again for hot piece of wood Jamie Dornan.

 

Pics: Wenn.com, Splash

Open Post: Hosted By Some Real Stars!

February 27, 2017 / Posted by:

Screw the Oscars! Fuck Vanity Fair’s party! And pfft to Elton John’s soiree! The event that Allison and I should’ve written 4500 posts about is the event where every bright shining star of the A-list universe was: The Annual Night of 100 Stars! When Gary From Chicago and the other tourists walked into the Dolby Theater last night, they looked a little disappointed to me and now I know why. They wished they were at The Night of 100 Stars with real celebrities instead of at the Who Cares Awards with a bunch of has-beens and never-wases.

This year’s Annual Night of 100 Stars was held in the party room at Shakey’s on Reseda in Northridge, and the desserts were provided by Carvel and the event’s official booze sponsor was MD 20/20 fine wines. No, it wasn’t that elegant. It was held at the Beverly Hilton Hotel in Beverly Hills, and leading the 100 Stars was noted Anna Nicole cosplayer Courtney Stodden who brought her three puppies. I don’t know if Courtney’s pooch Cupcake is overwhelmed by all the star power or is thinking about putting herself out of her misery by jumping. It’s definitely the first one.

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Thankfully A Bit More Effort Was Put Into The Fashions After The Oscars

February 27, 2017 / Posted by:

We all know that when it comes to dressing for the Oscars, everyone takes it very seriously. They put on a tux or fancy gown that definitely didn’t come with a check attached to the garment bag. Most of the time the result is a one-way ticket to Zzzzzz town (see: a good 75% of the looks from last night). But then everyone gets to let loose at Vanity Fair’s annual Oscar afterparty and put on what they really want to wear (see: The Gold Standard). Like many people at the Vanity Fair party, Diane Kruger wasn’t at the Oscars and she showed up wearing that. 

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