Those of you who were looking forward to watching Natalie Portman balance her second Oscar on her second pregnant belly tonight are shit out of luck. People reports that Natalie won’t be attending the Oscars tonight due to her ever-so-delicate condition.
This morning, I imagine that the denizens of the House of Chanel can hear a plaintive meowing echoing in their hallowed halls. It’s a despondent kitty named Choupette Lagerfeld. She’s wearing a couture mourning veil and won’t come out of the privacy cave of her solid gold litter box after Meryl Streep publicly blasted her owner Karl Lagerfeld with nuclear actress words. So he’s probably gone now, and all that remains is a snow-white ponytail, a bit of a haughty arched eyebrow, and a still burning black pussy bow. Choupette’s whiskers are bowed this morning.
Just a couple of weeks ago, Bill Paxton was at the NAACP Image Awards, looking good, and he has been working on his show Training Day, but this morning, his family dropped eighty hundred tons of sad and shock on the world by saying that he has died at the way-too-young age of 61. Bill’s family said in a statement that he died of complications from surgery. TMZ heard that Bill went through heart surgery and had a fatal stroke afterward.
“It is with heavy hearts we share the news that Bill Paxton has passed away due to complications from surgery. A loving husband and father, Bill began his career in Hollywood working on films in the art department and went on to have an illustrious career spanning four decades as a beloved and prolific actor and filmmaker. Bill’s passion for the arts was felt by all who knew him, and his warmth and tireless energy were undeniable. We ask to please respect the family’s wish for privacy as they mourn the loss of their adored husband and father.”
It seems like Bill Paxton was in absolutely everything. He was in Terminator, Commando, Aliens, Predator 2, the masterpiece Boxing Helena, Tombstone, Apollo 13, True Lies, a couple of Spy Kids movies, and of course Titanic and Twister. Bill, and Lance Henriksen, are also the only two actors who hold the high honor of being killed by a Terminator, an Alien and a Predator in a movie.
On TV, Bill was in all 5 seasons of Big Love, and he was nominated for an Emmy in 2014 for playing Randall McCoy in Hatfields & McCoys. Like I said above, Bill starred with Justin Cornwell on CBS’ Training Day. Bill’s 22-year-old son James Paxton, who is also an actor, recently worked with his dad on an episode.
Even though Bill seemed to be everything, many 80s children, like myself, probably consider his greatest role to be the total douche brother in the 80s cinematic jewel of perfection Weird Science. Bill was one of the best parts of that perfect, perfect movie. Bless the person who made this “Best of Chet” video for YouTube.
Bill is survived by his wife of 30 years Louise Newbury and their two children, James and Lydia Paxton.
Rest in peace, Bill Paxton. I’d like to think that as soon as Bill got through the gates of heaven, you said, “How ’bout a nice greasy pork sandwich served in a dirty ashtray, buttweeds!”
Eileen Bowman, the actress who earned a place in the Oscars Fuckery Hall of Fame when she played Snow White in the glittery train wreck opening number at the 1989 Academy Awards!
Hollywood and Broadway producer Alan Carr died in 1999, and when he did, his brain should’ve been preserved and displayed at the Smithsonian, because it is a national treasure that came up with the idea of having a singing Snow White and Rob Lowe bust out Proud Mary during the opening of the Oscars in 1989. It was the perfect way to end the era of pure foolery.
Erykah Badu (46)
Teresa Palmer (31)
Shiloh Fernandez (32)
Ally Hilfiger (32)
Nate Ruess (35)
Sharon Van Etten (36)
Corinne Bailey Rae (38)
Maz Jobrani (45)
Max Martin (46)
Mark Dacascos (53)
Greg Germann (59)
Tim Kaine (59)
Michael Bolton (64)
Bree Walker (64)
Dante Ferretti (74)
Fats Domino (89)
Johnny Cash (1932-2003)
You might be looking for something to soothe your hangover and/or calm your frazzled nerves from all of the creeping terror at hand. We’ve got you! Well, this doggie’s got you. This beautiful pooch is a big believer in DIY. All he needs is for his human to drive his ass to the store. He’ll handle the selection of goods, thank you.
Check out this doggie picking out his own treats and putting them in his own basket. The human’s still going to have to pay, though. Doggie probably has his own wallet, but there’s the annoying absence of hands.