Screw the Oscars! Fuck Vanity Fair’s party! And pfft to Elton John’s soiree! The event that Allison and I should’ve written 4500 posts about is the event where every bright shining star of the A-list universe was: The Annual Night of 100 Stars! When Gary From Chicago and the other tourists walked into the Dolby Theater last night, they looked a little disappointed to me and now I know why. They wished they were at The Night of 100 Stars with real celebrities instead of at the Who Cares Awards with a bunch of has-beens and never-wases.
This year’s Annual Night of 100 Stars was held in the party room at Shakey’s on Reseda in Northridge, and the desserts were provided by Carvel and the event’s official booze sponsor was MD 20/20 fine wines. No, it wasn’t that elegant. It was held at the Beverly Hilton Hotel in Beverly Hills, and leading the 100 Stars was noted Anna Nicole cosplayer Courtney Stodden who brought her three puppies. I don’t know if Courtney’s pooch Cupcake is overwhelmed by all the star power or is thinking about putting herself out of her misery by jumping. It’s definitely the first one.
We all know that when it comes to dressing for the Oscars, everyone takes it very seriously. They put on a tux or fancy gown that definitely didn’t come with a check attached to the garment bag. Most of the time the result is a one-way ticket to Zzzzzz town (see: a good 75% of the looks from last night). But then everyone gets to let loose at Vanity Fair’s annual Oscar afterparty and put on what they really want to wear (see: The Gold Standard). Like many people at the Vanity Fair party, Diane Kruger wasn’t at the Oscars and she showed up wearing that.
And so does the face on the guy behind Denzel Washington.
When Casey Affleck won the Best Actor Oscar last night, a huge chunk of the audience stood up for him. Mel Gibson was probably thinking to himself, “Oh, sure, I get blacklisted from Hollywood for years for hating Jews, terrorizing women and being an overall demon piece of shit and yet you stand up for Casey Affleck’s creeper ass?” Actually, Mel Gibson would never think that. Mad Mel’s not that self-aware.
During last night’s Oscars, Dakota Johnson presented with her Fifty Shades Duller co-star Jamie Dornan, and they did a hilarious bit where they pretended to have chemistry with each other. Clearly Dakota was afraid all the crotch-searing sexuality between her and Jamie would be too much for the audience to handle, and she dressed accordingly. And by accordingly, I mean she counter-balanced it by dressing in an unsexy satin nightgown situation that was made by Gucci.
It looks like the Oscars and Dlisted share the same fact-checking agency (aka my sleeping dog who I think just farted and swallowed some barf at the same time. Talent!). Because they had a few giant fuck-ups last night. They botched Best Picture, and Leonardo DiCatchAHo accidentally said Emma Stone’s name instead of Isabelle Huppert’s while announcing the winner for Best Actress. The second one hasn’t been confirmed, but it will be. It will be!
Another grade 10 oops happened during the In Memoriam segment. The In Memoriam segment always ends up pissing people off, because they always leave a few artistes out. This year’s Oscars In Memoriam segment left out Garry Shandling, Robert Vaughn, Doris Roberts, Florence Henderson and Alexis Arquette. But this year, they fucked up in a brand, new way.
Nicole Kidman was all kinds of stiff and frozen at the Oscars last night and I’m not talking about her face. There’s a lot of clapping that happens during the Oscars, but sadly Nicole just couldn’t get the hang of it and it was weird.