Archives: February 2017

My Thoughts Are With Every Coachella Ticketing Agent Today….

February 23, 2017 / Posted by:

Coachella’s tickets are sold through Festival Ticketing, and well, if you’re a weed dealer who wants to make some easy money, stand outside of Festival Ticketing’s call center today. Because nearly every agent may need something mind-numbing to deal with the Beyhive angrily buzzing in their ears all day. The organizers of Coachella announced today that Beyonce has pulled out of headlining due to the fact that the twin messiahs are growing in her body.

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Jennifer Garner Might Not Be Filing For Divorce From Ben Affleck Just Yet

February 23, 2017 / Posted by:

After two long years of wondering if Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner were ever going to get divorced, we were finally given an update last week. A source had told UsWeekly that it was only a matter of time before Jen filed divorce papers and made Ben her second ex-husband. Star magazine was so confident she was about to file for divorce that they put the story on the cover of their latest issue. Well, Gossip Cop is calling BS on those recent divorce rumors. Here we go again!

Gossip Cop is side-eyeing a source that recently told Star that Ben and Jen got into a “nasty fight” last month, which then triggered her need for a divorce. Another Star source claims that Jen has had enough of Ben’s drama, and that she was sick of him putting himself first before their family. A source tells Gossip Cop it’s all fiction; there was no fight, and there are no divorce papers. Nothing has changed in the world of Bennifer II. Their source adds that Ben and Jen “remain close” and that they’re committed to co-parenting their three kids.

However, Gossip Cop adds that a divorce isn’t out of the question. Ben and Jen haven’t reconciled or anything.

You’d think that after two years in relationship limbo, Jen’s hand would be signing imaginary divorce papers in her sleep. But for whatever reason she might not want to do it at the moment. Jen seems like a considerate type. She’s probably just waiting for Ben to finish trying to get divorced from The Batman before she dumps another divorce on him.

Pic: Splash

The Immortal Keanu Reeves Said Words About “Ageing”

February 23, 2017 / Posted by:

 

Keanu Reeves did a long interview with Esquire UK (via Celebitchy) to promote the sequel to John Wick, my favorite movie about a human avenging his dead dog. And during the interview with writer Johnny Davis, he talked about practically every movie he’s been in and also burped up his thoughts on the Sad Keanu meme from the days of internet yore as well as everyone saying that he’s an ageless vampire.

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Shia LaBeouf Shut Down His Anti-Trump Art Piece After Shots Were Fired In The Area

February 23, 2017 / Posted by:

Shia LaBeouf has learned twice now that anything to do with Trump has the potential to be a recipe for a mess. Shortly after Trump was sworn in, Shia and his art pals set up an anti-Trump live camera installation in Queens, NY, called HE WILL NOT DIVIDE US. A week after it opened, Shia was arrested after allegedly getting into a fight with a Nazi. A few weeks later, HWNDU was shut down, and a week after that it re-opened at the El Rey Theater in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Now the New Mexico leg of HWNDU has been temporarily shut down. And this time it’s because Shia is scared for the safety of HWNDU participants, but in a more abstract sense. Shia announced on Twitter early this morning that the camera has been turned off due to gunshots in the area.

Police tell TMZ that the shots were fired around 2:51 this morning just one block away from the current location of HWNDU. No one was at the camera at the time of the shooting. No word on who is responsible for the gun shots, but my guess is local hooligans Jesse Pinkman, Skinny Pete, and Badger.

It isn’t known when or if the HWNDU camera will get turned on, or if it will move locations again. At this point, the only place free of drama right now might be one of those new Thomas Kinkade-looking planets. Shia should look into that.

Pic: Splash

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So Edgy It’ll Leave You Bleeding: The 1975 Illegally Smoked At The Brits

February 23, 2017 / Posted by:

The 1975 is an English band whose albums I’ve downloaded, because my 14-year-old first cousin once removed told me that all of her friends love them and I still give in to peer pressure even when the person pressuring me is not my peer. (Although, technically I have the maturity of a 14-year-old. No offense to 14-year-olds.) But anyway, The 1975 (seen above looking like Manchester’s least popular Prince tribute band) were at the Brit Awards in London last night and in between performing and accepting the award for Best British Group, two of its members got “caught” smoking what looks like the good shit under the table. “Watch out, we got a badass over here,” said Keith Richards before fondly remembering the first time he smoked weed in a small space. It was his mother’s womb and it feels like it was yesterday.

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Cheryl Officially “Announces” That She’s Pregnant With A One Direction Baby

February 23, 2017 / Posted by:

Not that she needed to. I doubt anyone has been confusing her stomach situation with pizza bloat. But clearly Cheryl (formerly Cheryl Tweedy Cole Fernandez-Versini) was waiting for the right time and place to officially debut the fetus put inside her by One Direction’s Liam Payne. And that right place just so happened to be in a L’Oreal commercial.

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