Archives: January 2017

Birthday Sluts

January 15, 2017 / Posted by:

Lisa Lisa (50)
Dove Cameron (21)
Chris Warren, Jr. (27)
Skrillex (29)
Kelly Kelly (30)
Michael Seater (30)
Howie Day (36)
Pitbull (36)
Trent Ford (38)
Young Dro (38)
Eddie Cahill (39)
Jamie Clayton (39)
Rachel Roy (43)
Regina King (46)
Chad Lowe (49)
Adam Jones (52)
James Nesbitt (52)
Mario Van Peebles (60)
Andrea Martin (70)
Princess Michael of Kent (72)
Margaret O’Brien (80)
Martin Luther King, Jr. (1929-1968)

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Open Post: Hosted By Tom Hardy’s Kind Of Penis-Resembling Autograph

January 14, 2017 / Posted by:

Tom Hardy is so dreamy with his DSLs and his sweatshirt and beanie and the smile and the actually being nice to dickkick-level annoying paparazzi. Sigh.

What? Oh, yeah. Uh, so this dude at TMZ observed to Tom Hardy that his signature looks like a dick. Watch the video and then judge for yourself:

Thoughts? Maybe? I’m kind of seeing sperm. And no, I’m not just typing that because I want to make a Junior reboot with Tom in which he makes me pregnant. I’m not even going to delete that. What’s done is done. Why do all my Tom Hardy posts end up underneath the gutter, in the place where the alligators writhe around and the scary clowns live? You can’t blame me. Have you seen that pic from his new show? #loincloth

Pic: TMZ

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TV Land’s “Heathers” Reboot Is A Go

January 14, 2017 / Posted by:

Shannen Doherty had damn well better be the lynchpin of this project. If they’re going to take my adolescence out back and shoot it in the head with this Heathers reboot, they better salvage all they can from the original version. And I don’t mean Veronica Sawyer with her annoying tendency to journal and her disingenous friending of Martha Dumptruck! I’m talking a red scrunchie back on Heather Duke’s head!

Deadline Hollywood reports that TV Land has definitely picked up the new Heathers, with a 10-episode order for next fall.

Heathers, TV Land’s first hourlong series, was originally developed and ordered as a half-hour pilot. It came in long, 38 min, and when TV Land brass found it nearly impossible to cut, they decided to make the series hourlong instead.

The show is going to be an anthology, ala FX’s Fargo, spotlighting different characters in different episodes. The core group of Heathers, however, appears to still be an overweight girl, a lesbian, and a gender-queer kid. Honestly, it won’t be Heathers without a quartet of snotty white girls, but I’m all for progress.

And yes, tv royalty Shannen Doherty will be involved. But, her involvement so far is mysterious!

Original Heathers cast member Shannen Doherty will guest star as a pivotal, unnamed character in the series.

So, obviously she’s going to be someone’s mother. Or the DJ who hosts Hot Probs. Either or, is fine.

Pic: TV Land

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Disney Won’t Be Digitally Recreating Carrie Fisher

January 14, 2017 / Posted by:

There are a few things about the entertainment industry that I loathe even more than physical labor. For instance, the usage of the phrase “baby bump” (because body horror should never be cutesy) and the Koven. But what I really loathe, is when they use digital age trickery to resurrect a dead performer, just so the money train keeps rolling down the greed tracks. There’s NO need to prop a corpse up on stage with you via CGI.

Cover the song, pay homage to the character in the script, but let them rest in peace without making the public do a full-body cringe. It should have been a “one and done” idea with Natalie Cole and her pops, right?

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Jennifer Holliday Pulled Out Of Donald Trump’s Inauguration

January 14, 2017 / Posted by:

Original Dreamgirls Jennifer Holliday was scheduled to perform at President-elect Donald Trump’s inauguration next week, but now she’s telling you that she’s not going. Maybe the “death threats, suggestions of suicide, warnings of boycott and racial slurs” that she told Billboard she received on social media after announcing the gig got to her? Or there weren’t enough zeroes on the impending White House’s check? Let’s find out!

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Robin Thicke Wasn’t Allowed To Take His Son From Paula Patton’s House

January 14, 2017 / Posted by:

Things have escalated quickly in the surprise Robin Thicke and Paula Patton custody battle.

Marvin Gaye fan, Robin, rolled up on his ex-wife’s home yesterday morning, accompanied by the L.A. county sheriff’s deputies. He was also clutching a court order in his ass-prospectin’ hand that said he could have time with his 6-year-old son, Julian. The cops went in, and TMZ reports that Julian told them he didn’t want to go with dad because he was scared of him. The deputies came out and told Robin they weren’t going to take Julian against his will.

Let’s back up. Continue reading

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