Who Worked It Better?

January 30, 2017 / Posted by:

Bitch, please. The only correct answer is: NEITHER! The one and only Joyce Beatty worked it a billion times better than the both of them!

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The Oscars are still about 4 weeks away and if Natalie Portman’s unborn baby keeps doing what unborn babies do, which is grow, she’s going to need to go down to the Ringling Bros. fire sale and buy herself one of their told tents to wear to that shit. At this year’s Golden Globes, Natalie stayed in character by going full Jackie Kennedy. And at last night’s SAG Awards, she continued to stay in character and wear something that Jackie O would wear if Jackie O was 19 months pregnant and had to make a dress out of a 200-inch tablecloth and napkins. Put a candelabra on Natalie’s bump, pull up some chairs and you could have a romantic dinner for two on her.

Natalie’s bedsheet-and-the-pillowcases dress was so damn big that I bet the stoners at the SAGs didn’t even bother walking all the way to the bathroom to toke up in a stall. They just crawled under Natalie’s dress and hotboxed. I’m sure she didn’t even notice. So yeah, that’s where Winona Ryder brought spent most of her night.

With that said, I love Natalie’s Dior dress, because I love an outfit that doubles as a comfortable bed you can sleep in.

And Natalie shouldn’t even bother taking her pregnant ass to the Oscars next month. She should stay in her actual bed, because it’s obvious that Emma Stone is going to become the first Asian woman to ever win Best Actress.

Pics: Wenn.com, Getty

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