Uma Thurman Has Won Primary Custody Of Her Kid

January 27, 2017 / Posted by:

Uma Thurman’s messy custody battle is over, which is good, because nobody wants to go into the weekend with that kind of a migraine to deal with. Despite being accused by her ex-boyfriend Arpad (Arki) Busson of being a pilled-up boozer, Page Six says that a judge has decided that Uma should have primary custody of their 4-year-old daughter Luna.

The decision was made in a Manhattan court earlier this morning, and it came with a request from Judge Matthew Cooper asking Uma and Arki to do Luna a solid and stop acting like angry pigeons fighting over a pizza crust.

“At this point, Luna has all the advantages in life. She has two parents who love her, two parents who amply provide for her. The only thing that’s lacking — and I hope it’s forthcoming — is that her parents can reach some sort of place in life where they can put aside their rancor and their anger against one another and can join together — never loving each other or even liking each other — at least being able to cooperate.”

Uma and Arki really don’t fucking like each other, so whether or not they’re able to play nice for the sake of their kid is anyone’s guess. But Uma seems happy with the decision.

“It’s a wonderful thing to have closure.” When asked outside court if she could get along with her ex, Thurman said, “Hope springs eternal.”

I do appreciate how realistic that judge is, though. They know there’s zero chance Uma and Arki will suddenly wake up and be friends. The best that judge can hope for is that they don’t set each others cars on fire in the parking lot of Luna’s school at her kindergarten graduation. The bar is set so low for them. I want to believe they can clear it, but I also have this sneaking suspicion both of them are probably getting their cars fire-proofed, just in case.


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