Open Post: Hosted By The Trailer For Lifetime’s Britney Spears Movie

January 23, 2017 / Posted by:

Lifetime has pooted out the teaser trailer for their next highly-anticipated (by me and probably only me) crusty turd of a cinematic masterpiece, and as expected, it looks like it’s going to be a zero-budget disaster that’s about as artistic as Adnan Ghalib’s pube strip. Lifetime really never lets you down.

In the 30-second trailer for the shit-named Britney Ever After, Britney (played by Natasha Bassett) shaves her head, attacks a pack of paps with an umbrella and marries a basic cable Kevin Federline. (I don’t know why they didn’t try to get the real KFed, because he would’ve done it for a $5 gift certificate to Blimpie.) Natasha’s accent is missing a ton of chicken fried twang and I’ve already spotted some inaccurate shit in this 30-second trailer, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

That looks like a tiny step above two kids recreating Brit Brit’s life story in their garage using a busted off-brand Skipper doll from the 99 Cent Store and a not-so-gently-used Justin Timberlake doll bought from a garage sale. With that said, February 18th will be my Christmas. (And I just dissed myself since on any given Saturday night you can find me recreating Brit Brit’s life story using a busted off-brand Skipper doll from the 99 Cent Store and a not-so-gently-used Justin Timberlake doll bought from a garage sale.)

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