7-Eleven isn’t just the place where you wander drunkenly through the aisles after the bars let out, searching desperately for the ORIGINAL flavor of Slim-Jims because no one wanted to go home with you (and why is everything fucking chipotle flavored now)? It’s ALSO the place where you can score an utterly nutritious start to your day. Say hell to the 7-Eleven breakfast pizza!
The breakfast pizza starts with a biscuit crust, then tops it with smoked bacon, sausage, hickory smoked ham, scrambled eggs, cheddar and mozzarella cheese and—because you’re probably already on Lipitor—it’s covered in a peppered cream gravy. It will be available either by the slice or as an entire pie, because 7-Eleven knows that you can’t hate yourself all day unless you start first thing in the morning.
You can buy just a slice or the whole damn pie to share with any other depressives with a death wish at work. My day job is full of slender people who watch what they eat. If I ever dropped any pretense of caring what they thought of me, or concern about my job status and brought this in to share with them, they’d probably call HR and have me and my breakfast pizza escorted out of the building.