Variety interviewed a bunch of Hollywood and media types about Donald Trump’s win and one of them was Chelsea Handler. Surprisingly, Chelsea didn’t say that crazy bitch Angelina Jolie is solely to blame for President-elect Trump becoming an actual thing. Instead of doing that, Chelsea directed everyone to point their blaming fingers at Calabasas, CA.
During her talk with Variety, Chelsea praised Megyn Kelly for being a “badass,” said that Trump’s fangirl Kanye West needs to get back on his meds and said she hopes that Veruca Salt’s overcooked spirit animal gets impeached eventually. And as to how Trump won the electoral college. Everyone and their least favorite auntie has a theory on how that happened and Chelsea’s theory is that we’re all just extras in a real-life Idiocracy thanks to the rise of reality show trash like the Kartrashians. Chelsea, who was an executive producer on Pretty Wild (FYI), spit this out about reality tv when asked about the media’s role in the election:
Stop covering [Trump] so much. They were treating him as an entertainer first. It was a reality show. We’ve turned into a reality show. I blame the Kardashians, personally; the beginning of the end was the Kardashians. The way these people have blown up and don’t go away — it’s surreal. Everyone is for sale. We’re looking at a man that gets mad at Vanity Fair for reviewing his restaurant poorly. By the way, have you ever been to that restaurant? It’s the biggest piece of garbage you’ve ever walked into. That place looks like a Southwest airport lounge. It’s the worst.
Whenever anyone talks about the rise of the Kartrashians, I get sad for humanity, myself included. To think, we could’ve made any reality show trick world-famous and rich, and we went with the Kartrashians. We could’ve raised someone worthy, like Cousin Shelley or Sugar Pie from The Anna Nicole Show, to Kardashian-levels of fame. Shame on us!
And shame on Chelsea for waking the kraken whores by saying their names out loud and then causing their throbbing silicone egos to get bigger. Everybody should really take cover, because melted plastic and gallons of bronze-colored toxic paint are going to fly everywhere when the Kartrashians’ egos explode over them thinking that they have the power to get presidents elected. And if Chelsea is 100% right, then every American should prepare to wear nothing but leather jogging pants and a moth-eaten $5,000 sweatshirt (aka America’s official uniform) when Overlord Kanye West becomes our president in 2024.
Here’s pictures from last night of Kim 2.0 in NYC wearing the tarp that the Kartrashians put down before their sacrificial rituals.