It’s been way too long since I’ve temporarily pulled Dlisted out of the gutter and carried it to upper echelons of elegance by posting about Coco. The once-reigning Queen of Camel Toes has been really busy doing regular mom things like dressing up herself and her 1-year-old daughter Chanel in matching outfits for Instagram photo shoots. But thankfully, Coco has taken a much-needed break from that exhausting mom shit to sun her oiled-up magnificent silicone melons on Miami Beach today. I didn’t know that people still used brown bottle Hawaiian Tropic, but leave it to Coco to stick to a classic. Although, if she was a true traditionalist who doesn’t give a hell about skin cancer, she would’ve slathered her goddess body with Baby Oil, Crisco, Vaseline and that cooking grease my abuelita kept in an old Prego jar under the kitchen sink.
On a different note, seeing Coco’s body in that red, white and blue two piece gave me an idea. Earlier today I read something about how the Wonder Woman movie may be as much of a CGI’d turd as Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice was. Well, if that’s true and DC wants to save it before it comes out this summer, there’s an easy fix. All they have to do is summon the cast and crew of WW to Miami Beach and shoot new scenes with Wonder Woman’s new sidekick: SHE-HULK! If they put Coco as She-Hulk in the WW movie, the only thing DC executives would have to worry about is finding a shelf strong enough to hold all their awards and accolades!
Here’s more of Coco giving the people of Miami Beach a giant serving of oily gorgeousness while enjoying the sun with Chanel.