And in a stunning development that may cause you to tip over with pure shock, Kim Kartrashian didn’t shoot reenactment scenes of her Paris robbery for an Unsolved Mysteries-style 12-part investigative event airing on E!. Pimp Mama Kris is saving for that sweeps.
Ocean’s Eight was turning out to be my kind of movie. It had everything: a dramatic heist, a random cast that summoned a million question marks, Cate Blanchett in “washed-up rocker lesbian turned owner of an art gallery” chic and a dog on a skateboard (just lie to me and tell me they gave that talented bitch a major role). But then the evil makers just had to taint it with a giant plastic splattering of fame whores. Kim Kartrashian and all-natural sliver of dehydrated celery Kendull Jenner will be in it. Well, I guess every movie needs a piss break and it’s pretty fitting to make Kim the star of a pee time scene.
The official plot of Ocean’s Eight hasn’t been spit up yet, but everyone is reporting that the big heist involves the gang stealing a valuable necklace off of the neck of a guest at the Met Gala. Kim has been to the past 4 Meth Galas, because the Kartrashians have some career-ruining shit on Anna Wintour (like a picture of her eating an actual human food item in between smiling a genuine smile while shopping at the Eddie Bauer outlet at Woodbury Common). So Kim and Kendall shot cameos in the big Meth Gala scene for Ocean’s Eight in NYC yesterday. Anna Wintour, Katie Holmes and Zac Posen are also in the scene.
The thing is, if Ocean Eight’s director Gary Ross really wanted Kim in the movie, he didn’t have to get the actual Kim. He could’ve just gotten a melting Morticia Addams wax figure and thrown grandma’s lace curtains and a jacket made of Yeti pubes on it, and boom. Instant Kim! It would’ve delivered a more charismatic performance too. And on a positive note, I have to slow clap for Pimp Mama Kris. I’m assuming PMK picked out Kim’s ensemble, because the lace on that dress looks like it’s pointing to her chocha. I’m sure that’s PMK’s way of reminding the world about how the koven got world-famous. PMK truly is a subtle master pimp.
Here’s more of Kim, Kim’s pantyhose doll crotch and Kendall going to the set of O8.