Orlando Bloom’s Dick Was The Star Of His Surprise 40th Birthday Party

January 16, 2017 / Posted by:

Katy Perry threw her man Orlando Bloom a surprise 40th birthday party at a hotel in Palm Springs, CA on Saturday night and even though Justin Theroux was there, the biggest dick in the room was the blown-up picture of Legolas’ (sadly censored) peen. Katy apparently took the picture that launched a thousand boners and throbbing clits, blew it up and used it as a backdrop for party guests to pose in front of. Some guests made fun of Orly’s salchicha (see: picture above) and others posed normal. It doesn’t look like any of them put their mouths on that black box. I know, Katy and Orlando have weird friends.

A newly tangerine-lemon-haired Katy Perry (she looks like she just spent time in a Russian hotel room with Donald Trump) brought together a bunch of Orlando’s friends and family including Justin Theroux, Jennifer Aniston, Amanda de Cadenet and Orlando’s mom. Everyone at that party should’ve thanked Orlando’s mom, because if it wasn’t for her, that backdrop wouldn’t have happened.

Even though both Aniston and Katy Perry have boned John Mayer, I don’t think things were awkward for them at Orlando’s party. They probably weren’t the only ones at the party who have done John Mayer. Everyone’s done John Mayer. I’m currently in a room with my dog, a dirty couch, a trash can and my computer, and I’m sure at least two of us have fucked John Mayer. Nobody’s talking because none of us want a visit from the CDC.

Katy Perry also had onesies with Orlando’s face on them made, so many at that party had a crotch full of his mug.

After reading Allison’s post about the birthday party that Miley Cyrus threw, I’m wondering who threw the better party. Miley’s party had weed bags, but it also had Miley Cyrus herself, Wayne Coyne and Noah Cyrus. Katy’s party had topless sweaty men, but it also had a bunch of drunks in onesies. I think it’s a draw, but I did figure out the equation for the best party:

Miley’s weed bags + topless sweaty mens – all the other guests

Pic: Instagram

 

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