Who Is Hot Slut Of 2016? Vote In Round Two!
Congratulations to the late great Flossie Dickey for easily winning Round One of the Hot Slut of 2016 semi-finals. The nap and whiskey-loving hero of our time got 43% of your votes and will go on to the grand finals. Flossie died in November and so I’m sure she’s in heaven celebrating her victory and by that I mean napping in a giant Jack Daniels bottle. Now on to Round Two!
Round Two is another weird potpourri of hotness that includes (UPDATE: Thank you to everyone who pointed out the fact that I’m brain dead and skipped Miss July, Joyce Beatty. She will be in Round 3. I’m sick, so blame it on the Theraflu. But then again, I’d totally make that dumb mistake while not on Theraflu.)
May – Zeus, the Siberian Husky who got his 15 seconds of internet fame when his human filmed him throwing a howling tantrum after he was told to get out of the bathtub. Zeus and that bathtub shall never be parted. When I showed my mom Zeus’ video, she wondered if maybe there’s something under that tub like a dead body and he’s trying to tell his humans that. So yeah, my mom really knows how to push a cute animal video into the darkside.
June – The Naked Rebel Sunbather of Russia, the chick who became an overnight naked idol when she continued to bathe her naked body in the sun’s rays even after the jealous biddies in the neighborhood complained and started a petition against her. Whenever I’m feeling down and need some inspiration to keep me going, I think of the naked chick in Russia who puts her bare ass on the windowsill and doesn’t care if those bitches use a slingshot to hit her nalgas with rocks.
August– Pita Taufatofua, the breakout and oiled-up star of the Summer Olympics who won a gold medal for causing a million panty cream geysers when he strut through the Opening Ceremonies with his wet nipples out.
September – Bernice Starnes, the leader of the Not The One Gang’s Bronx chapter who only had sweet words to say about the lady who snatched her purse from her as she sat in her wheelchair in front of her apartment building. Bernice told the local news that she hopes her purse snatcher gets beat up in prison and she became my go-to spiritual advisor when she said, “I’m supposed to feel sorry for that bitch? I don’t!”
Voting is below and the winner of Round Two will be announced on Monday!
Pics: YouTube, news.ngs.ru, Getty, DNAinfo