Pictured: Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie putting on a “united front.”
Last week we learned that St. Angie Jolie’s side has finally co-signed Brad Pitt’s request to protect their children’s privacy by sealing the legal documents in their wreck of a custody fight. But Angie just couldn’t help herself from shanking Brad in the face with her clavicle bone one last time. In documents filed by Angie’s lawyer Laura Wasser, her side said that Brad wanted the court documents sealed because he’s “terrified that the public will learn the truth.” Brad can stop feeling terrified for now, because the two issued a statement saying that they’ve agreed to handle their messy custody fight in private. Uh huh, TMZ, People and The Daily Mail should go ahead and add the key “sources say” to their writers’ keyboards, because they’re going to be using that phrase a lot now that Angie and Brad’s divorce battle has gone private.
Just a day after the people of Hollywood busted out an over-the-top applause for Poor Brad at the Golden Globes, he and Angie released a joint statement. They have agreed to seal all legal documents and will fight it out in private. Here’s the joint statement that was released last night:
“The parties and their counsel have signed agreements to preserve the privacy rights of their children and family by keeping all court documents confidential and engaging a private judge to make any necessary legal decisions and to facilitate the expeditious resolution of any remaining issues. The parents are committed to act as a united front to effectuate recovery and reunification.”
That ice cold last line is some shit that a country would release after a civil war, which I guess is pretty fitting.
They should’ve done this from the start and maybe they’ll shock us all by actually putting on a united front. But yeah right, I have a feeling that it’ll turn out like this:
Angie – Okay, Brad, you put on a united front first. You said you would.
Brad – No, Angie. You said you would go first.
Angie – No, you.
Brad – No.
Angie – Medammit, Brad, just do it!
Brad – You can’t make me.
Angie – Ugh, WASSER! WASSER! Get in here!
And that will lead to Laura Wasser filing court documents asking the judge to force Brad Pitt to put on a united front first. He said he would and pinky swore on it and everything!