While Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie may have closed the door to their fucked-up divorce fight and put a “privacy please” sign on it (for now), the door to Johnny Depp and Amber Heard’s fucked-up divorce fight remains wide open.
Johnny and Amber have been fighting over her $7 million divorce settlement and the $100,000 he wants her to pay his lawyer for filing stupid motions. Johnny agreed to pay Amber’s settlement in several payments, but since it seems like he’s living for this shit, he’s refusing to make those payments. Johnny’s lawyer, the ever-busy Laura Wasser, filed documents in December saying that Amber is the one who’s dragging her ass and that she doesn’t really want to get divorced because she’s loving the attention. Amber’s lawyer spit back at Johnny in recently filed documents. In them, Amber accuses his side of dragging out the drama for the sake of punishing her. I just got hit with shades of “Why are you punishing me?!” from the Sony hack.
E! News got a hold of the documents where Amber cries that the only thing she wants is to be Johnny Depp’s second ex-wife.
“Johnny and his counsel seem to wish to prolong this proceeding as a means of punishing me. I am now told that Johnny is taking outrageous steps of seeking legal fees from me because I have asked the court to enforce the settlement agreement that we reached four months ago. I am told that Johnny somehow claims I am the one who is delaying settlement rather than the other way around. These claims are contemptible and shocking.
Johnny has delayed the resolutions of this matter. I want my life back. I want to be divorced from Johnny now.”
This poop noodle of a divorce battle is never going to end… One thing’s for sure: When Trump sends us into World War III in a few years, we’ll all find ourselves sitting on a pile of rubble, and when we blow away the post-apocalyptic dust from our laptops and open it, the first story we’ll see is how Johnny and Amber are still fighting over that $7 million settlement. Will Johnny think of Boo and Pistol Heard already?! Boo and Pistol are probably so over it that they’re ready to stowaway on a Qantas flight headed for Australia. They’d probably rather sit in an Australian jail cell than watch these two go at it for the next million years.
And here’s Amber giving you lazy Holli Would cosplay while going to a Golden Globes after-party on Sunday night: