No, that is not a screen shot of Ben Affleck making the face that his brother Casey Affleck made while jacking it to Vicki the Robot from Small Wonder. I don’t hate you that much.
Ben Affleck was on Jimmy Kimmel Live! last night to whore out his Prohibition turd, Live By Night, and during the interview he pretended to be highly offended over his brother Casey Affleck not thanking him at the Golden Globes on Sunday night. Ben got revenge on Casey for not giving thanks to the trick who made it all possible by burping up embarrassing facts about his brother. One of those embarrassing facts about Casey included him fapping while watching Small Wonder. I blame Casey Affleck for the reason why Jamie Lawson went on to live under a bridge.
Casey is most likely going to win an Oscar for Manchester By The Sea, so Jimmy Kimmel asked Ben if it would be the first time that two brothers won in different categories. Ben seems to think it would be and then went on to roast Casey by saying what other “firsts” his Oscar win would bring. Thanks to Ben, we now know that tween Casey’s breath smelled like how he looks today (read: like shit) and that he has a butterfly phobia. Cut to Casey’s female co-workers covering themselves with butterfly clips.
“This would be the very first time someone won an Oscar who didn’t brush his teeth from the ages 10 to 14.”
“It would be the very first time that someone wins an Oscar who pulls his pants all the way down at the urinal. Most Oscar winners don’t do that.”
“The first person to win who’s scared of butterflies.”
“He would be the first to win who used to touch himself to Vicki the Robot from Small Wonder.”
“This would be the very first person to win an Academy award who once asked his brother if Back to the Future is a true story.”
Here’s the video of Ben making fun of his little bro:
You know, fuck Casey Affleck, fuck Ben Affleck and fuck Jimmy Kimmel for ruining Small Wonder for me. It’s not often when a Small Wonder rerun pops up on my TV screen, but now when one does, I won’t be able to shake the sucio image of Casey rubbing himself. Leave it to Ben to ruin a classic for all of us.
My thoughts about that little fact are best expressed through this GIF. In this GIF, the role of Ben is played by Harriet and the role of me is played by Jamie:
And if you’re like me and need a plate cleanser, here’s some pics from last night’s Live By Night premiere in Hollywood. Just keep your eyes on Lisa Bonet and Jason Momoa who are serving hipster Bonnie and Clyde.