Multilingual poetess Lindsay Lohan is starting fresh this new year by scrubbing her Instagram free of posts. That’s a lot of “sexy” posing, accusations of cheating with Russian hookers against shady former fiancés, and nonsensical and disingenuous pleas for human rights erased forever from the historical record! Actually, you can probably just click a toggle switch and bring them right back, right? Don’t panic!
USWeekly quotes Lindsay’s rep explaining why she chose to bleach her Instagram clean of content. She got her “period!” (She’s relieved that she’s not pregnant, so she’s starting anew out of gratitude! Wait, no… I think I read that wrong.)
Lohan is “in a period of renewal” and “has been making positive changes in her life,” her rep tells Us Weekly. The 30-year-old actress herself voiced her high hopes for 2017. “I am so excited for this new chapter in my life!” she tells Us in a statement.
Before burning her Instagram down, one of Lindsay’s most recent posts was a ridiculous poem in which she wondered if ISIS could be defeated with her lips (I’ll leave it to you to decide which set). Sure, she might have wiped her social media slate clean to start fresh. But she also might have come down from whatever chemical component was inspiring her poetry and realized what she sounded like and wiped her Instagram out of embarrassment.
Who am I kidding, this is Lindsay. Maybe there’s actually someone in her family with a modicum of dignity and some concern who called her on whatever yacht she’s wintering on and suggested she cut the shit with the Instagram attention-sluttery. Is Nana Lohan still alive?