The Golden Globes, Oscar’s high school dropout little brother who holds the record for getting kicked out of Dave & Buster’s the most times, are tonight. And that means it’s that time of year when many of us get drunk at home while watching drunk movie stars throw shady eyes at the peasants (read: people on TV). The flu has taken over my body, so I’ll probably be the one who gets so plastered on TheraFlu Sours (TheraFlu and whiskey) that I’ll be cheering for Lily Collins and Jonah Hill to win.
Don’t feel guilty about filling your eating hole with all kinds of deep fried deliciousness tonight, because you’ll burn at least 10,000 calories from rolling your eyes at everything the GGs host Jimmy Fallon does. Since Jimmy is hosting, he probably won’t make fun of the famous rich bitches in the room like Tina Fey, Amy Poehler and Ricky Gervais did. Jimmy will save his energy for kissing their asses and playing Wheel of Musical Impressions with Meryl Streep (as Florence Foster Jenkins). Actually, I’d be into that second one.
And now that leads me to today’s Open Post: the oh-so-scandalous speech that Bette Midler gave in 1980 when she won the Golden Globe for New Star of the Year in a Motion Picture for The Rose. Bette busted out a titty-licious Golden Globes pun and then acted like she was going to suck off her trophy. This speech is practically G-rated today, but apparently back in 1980, it made parents THINK OF THE CHILDREN by covering their kids’ eyes and ears.
That will forever be one of my favorite GG speeches, but I hope someone tops it tonight by actually deep throating their award. (I’m talking to you, Ryan Gosling.)