Many Chihuahuas look like they just watched the “bite the curb” scene in American History X. All traumatized and shit. That’s just they’re natural look, but Parasite Hilton’s latest living accessory is probably traumatized for real. You would be too if you were constantly dressed up in tragic raver toddler outfits and heard horror stories from the other dogs about “the closet.” That is the traumatized look of a chihuahua who has to listen to Paris’ stupid slutty baby voice day in and day out.
Phoebe Price, the Kartrashian/Jenners, the Vanderpump Rules tricks, the Bachelor cast-offs and every other reality mess must’ve been busy yesterday, because the paps took pictures of the original vapid fame whore leaving a restaurant in Beverly Hills with just one of her 6,983 dogs. Parasite bought the teacup Chihuahua a few months ago for $8,000 and I guess the poor thing is the new Tinkerbell (never 4get Tinkerbell), because Diamond Baby gets the honor of being whored out for the paps in rejected Punky Brewster outfits.
I don’t know what’s sadder: Parasite committing animal cruelty by making Diamond Baby wear that shit, or the fact that I actually like the name Diamond Baby. Hey, I like fourth-tier stripper names for dogs, which is why if I ever get another dog, I’m going to name it Cristal Chardonnay. And just like that, every dog shelter in the country has banned my ass.