Pictured: Mariah Carey being mortified in Aspen.
It’s been a little over three days since 2016 ended with a BANG, which was the sound that was made when Mimi threw her microphone at a tech person’s head backstage after doing a reboot of Britney Spears’ 2007 VMAs performance. We’re still talking about it, because it’s either talk about that or think about Doomsday on January 20th.
After Mimi made 2016 a teensy bit better with her disastrous performance, she shrugged on Twitter by saying, “Shit happens.” Mimi had more words to say later and told Entertainment Weekly that if Dick Clark was still alive, he’d be on her side. But Our Lady of Measles, Jenny McCarthy, thinks that if Dick Clark was still alive, he’d be on their side.
Mimi and her team put the blame on Dick Clark Productions and accused them of sabotaging her for ratings. DCP put the blame on Mimi’s tech people and Mimi herself for being a lazy butterfly and not rehearsing enough. Mimi is mortified about the lip-synching bomb that was dropped in Times Square and thinks that Dick Clark would be mortified with her.
“All I can say is Dick Clark was an incredible person and I was lucky enough to work with him when I first started in the music business. I’m of the opinion that Dick Clark would not have let an artist go through that and he would have been as mortified as I was in real time.
It’s not going to stop me from doing a live event in the future. But it will make me less trusting of using anyone outside of my own team.”
Others are blaming the good shit because the good shit is always getting blamed. Mimi is in Aspen right now and she was in Aspen before New Year’s Eve. During Christmas week, Mimi was papped leaving a weed shop in Aspen. My new life goal is to buy the leaf of the gods while wearing formal clothes.
— BuzzFeed (@BuzzFeed) January 3, 2017
TMZ says that Mimi made a stop into that weed shop a few times and bought a fancy strained called Amafu, “which goes for $400 an ounce.” I’ll bet my Dr. Dabber vape pen that the weed shop renames that strain “Mariahuana.”
So was Mimi higher than the highest point of a rainbow during her performance? Probably, but I’m sure that 99% of the crew members were also high, because you’d have to be high to deal with Ryan Seacrest and Jenny McCarthy. And I’m sure 99% of the viewers at home were high too, because you’d have to be high to watch Ryan Seacrest and Jenny McCarthy.
Speaking of Jenny, while doing her SiriusXM show yesterday, she opened up her wax mouth hole of stupid and spit this out about the situation:
“It’s completely unfair and bullshit for [Mariah] to blame Dick Clark Productions. I think Mariah was nervous as hell. I think she chose really tough songs to try to sing along with. I think ‘Emotions,’ that song, I mean her voice is not there anymore. I don’t think there is a problem with her inner ears. I just don’t. I think she used it as an excuse.
Now I do understand our egos of course want to blame everyone but itself for mistakes. If Dick Clark were alive today, I guarantee he would be on air right now fighting back. He’s not, so I’m going to … I have never seen a production company more supportive of their musical guests. So for her to defame them was so incredibly insulting for the group of people who work their balls off preparing and rehearsing.”
If Dick Clark were alive today, I think he’d be mortified, mortified that Jenny McCarthy is still co-hosting his New Year’s Eve show.
The most offensive thing of the night wasn’t Mimi’s magnificent performance. It was ABC’s censors not cutting the feed every time Jenny popped up on the screen looking like a mutated alien peen.