Archives: January 2017

Night Crumbs

January 31, 2017 / Posted by:

The L.A. premiere of John Wick: Chapter 2 was last night and Laurence Fishburne, Ruby Rose and Keanu Reeves obviously didn’t coordinate their looks. Because Laurence looks like he’s going to a convention for people who appreciate the fashion stylings of Whoopi Goldberg. Ruby looks like a dancer at an S&M club who put on a smart blazer because she’s going to meet with a banker about getting a mortgage before going to work. And Keanu Reeves looks like an insurance salesman who is also an ageless vampire  – Lainey Gossip

Modeling is so weird – Drunken Stepfather

Jennifer Lawrence and Anne Hathaway spoke against Jabba the Trump’s Muslim Ban – Celebitchy

Why is everybody looking into my boiling kauldron?” asked Pimp Mama Kris when the story about Kim Kardashian’s melting jewelry came out – The Superficial

I’m surprised that wall of flowers didn’t shrivel up when Teresa Giudice got near it. Those flowers must be plastic – Reality Tea

Ellen DeGeneres used her movie Finding Dory to slam the Muslim Ban – Towleroad

Oh whatever, Samantha Bee, I’m sure the actual White House Correspondents’ Dinner will be an A-list extravaganza that will bring out Scott Baio, Victoria Jackson, Clint Eastwood’s empty chair and the very best celebrity impersonators their budget can buy them – Pajiba

Because of that ponytail, I thought that Ariana Grande Latte had magically grown three feet – Popoholic

The big-tittied blond model who isn’t Kate Upton may get her big titties reduced one day – IDLYITW

Diego Luna will star in the Scarface remake that Hollywood keeps trying to do – Just Jared

RiRi as Marion Crane is very Whitney Houston in The BodyguardPopsugar

The Mighty O is joining 60 Minutes – Jezebel

Dr. Luke dragged Lady Gaga into his legal fight with KeshaHuffPo

And because almost every day on Dlisted should end with a palate cleanser, here’s an extra-strength one in the form a video of a baby sloth! – Hollywood Tuna 

Pic: Splash


The Catwoman And Her Man Are Staying Together Even After Attacking Each Other 

January 31, 2017 / Posted by:

The non-biodegradable pussy willow we know as Jocelyn Wildenstein was arrested in December after she allegedly went cat scratch fever wild by clawing her man Lloyd Klein’s face and cutting his chest with scissors during a fight in their apartment at Trump World Tower in Manhattan. Not even a week later, Lloyd was arrested after he allegedly pushed Jocelyn to the floor while picking up some of his stuff at their apartment. Jocelyn really doesn’t need more foolery and she should retire to Cat Island where she’d spend her days lounging with a bunch of pussies and sharing a fish head with a cat friend. But instead of doing that, Jocelyn is getting back together with Lloyd.

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Salma Hayek Says Her Comments To Jessica Williams Were Taken Out Of Context

January 31, 2017 / Posted by:

Salma Hayek’s fingers must have gotten tired from scrolling through all the internet hate she was getting yesterday. Last night she attempted to shut everyone up with an explanation of the patronizing comments she made to Jessica Williams during a Sundance lunch for women in film. As you already know, Salma played the “taken out of context” card.

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Open Post: Hosted By The Final Trailer For “Beauty And The Beast”

January 31, 2017 / Posted by:

In my 468 posts about Disney’s live-action Beauty and the Beast movie, I called Belle a dog fucker several times since she wants to get on The Beast’s lipstick. But in the final trailer for Beauty and the Beast, Belle comes off as a woodfucker, because The Beast looks like a Chewbacca figure that was carved out of a tree trunk (see: The Beast’s wood-looking face above). How much wood would a woodfucker fuck…. I don’t even want to think about the places that Belle would get splinters in.

If you don’t want to pay to see the live-action Beauty and the Beast movie, then this trailer may be for you. It tells the entire story in under 3 minutes! No need to deal with a kid kicking the back of your seat while loudly wondering where Harry Potter is.

Even though this trailer has zero shots of Gaston’s manly chest fur and beefy nipples, I was with it…until a certain donut attacker’s voice yodeled on in….

Celine Dion and Peabo Bryson are out and Ariana Grande Latte and John Legend are in. (But Celine does sing a new song on the soundtrack.) Beauty and the Beast is supposed to be fluffy escapism that makes people happy for a second, but Disney just had to mess it up by replacing the GREATEST SINGUH IN DA WORLD with her! That evil bitch Mickey Mouse will cackle over our pain while counting all the cash this movie is going to make.

Bethenny Frankel’s Ex Was Arrested For Allegedly Stalking And Threatening Her

January 31, 2017 / Posted by:

The divorce between Bethenny Frankel, of the Real DrunkMesses New York City, and Jason Hoppy was finally finalized last year after a messy 4-year-long fight, but it looks like the smegma-covered drama lives on. Page Six says that Jason was arrested on Friday and charged with harassing and stalking his ex-wife. Jason reportedly showed up to their 6-year-old daughter’s school and screamed, “I will destroy you,” at Bethenny. Now, I love some Dynasty-like drama that involves a crazy bitch vowing to destroy another, but it kind of ruins the moment when there’s little kids around. Alexis Carrington taught me that when you say the words, “I will destroy you,” you should pause for a second afterward for maximum dramatic effect and it’s kind of hard to do that when children are crying.

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Olivia Munn Might Be Engaged To Aaron Rodgers

January 31, 2017 / Posted by:

Olivia Munn has been seen with a ring on that finger, which can mean one of two things. She’s either engaged to Aaron Rodgers, or she had so much fun trolling Aaron’s family last week that she decided to do it again. No matter what the reason, I’m sure it has caused Aaron’s estranged family to collectively scream into pillows.

People says Aaron and Olivia were seen leaving a party in Beverly Hills over the weekend, and what do you know? She just so happened to be wearing an engagement-looking ring. Most people hold their steering wheel at ten-and-two, but Olivia made sure to get maximum exposure by keeping her left hand at attention o’clock.

This isn’t the first time Olivia and Aaron found themselves in the middle of an engagement rumor. Last year, Olivia shot down talk that they were engaged by posting a screenshot of a conversation with her confused mom to Instagram. Neither Olivia or Aaron has denied anything yet.

I’m inclined to believe that Olivia really is engaged to Aaron. For one thing, they’ve been together for almost three years, so it wouldn’t exactly be that strange for them to take their relationship into the legal end zone, so to speak. And really, if Olivia’s goal was to troll Aaron’s anti-Olivia family, she would have trolled way harder. Like calling up Neil Lane and requesting the exact same ring Aaron’s brother Jordan Rogers gave to JoJo Fletcher. And then immediately hopping on Instagram to act like it’s just a regular old ring that Aaron bought her. “It’s JoJo’s engagement ring from The Bachelorette? Oh, I had no idea. We had no interest in that season.


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