Brad Pitt showed his face at a charity event over the weekend and even though the public shit-throwing with Angelina Jolie is done (for now), I’m sure that after this picture was taken, a member of her team ripped that long cardigan off of him. Yes, it looks better on Brad, but he’s still not getting Angie’s favorite cardigan in the divorce! – Lainey Gossip
Amber Heard supposedly can’t wait to go public with Elon Musk – Celebitchy
It looks like NeNe Leakes is onto her third face and it also looks like the entire intimates section of a JcPenney violently shat up on Marlo Hampton – Reality Tea
The same thing goes for The Slow One – Drunken Stepfather
Okay, James Corden and Bryan Cranston, kiss again, but do it with feeling this time and by feeling I mean tongue – Towleroad
The face that Justin Beiber’s au pair (that’s his au pair, right?) is making says everything that needs to be said about this story – The Superficial
“That’s a really weird-looking dildo that Natalie Portman is holding” is a thought I had until I realized she’s holding a water bottle – Popoholic
1/10th of Amy Adam’s nipple plates came out to play the other night – (NSFW) The Nip Slip
They tell me that this is Tyler Posey’s dick – OMG Blog
This is the most hilariously stupid thing that Rob Schneider has done and that’s saying a lot since he’s been in (insert the title of absolutely any movie he’s starred in) – Pajiba
Jeff Goldblum and his wife confirm the obvious – Just Jared
Bella Thorne took some Polaroids that look like they were taken at an audition for a no-budget amateur porn video – Hollywood Tuna
Julianne Hough’s face is saying, “OHMYGAWD, look it’s the paps,” but on the inside she’s probably thinking, “Motherfuckers are late. I texted them 20 minutes ago” – IDLYITW
It must have been pretty depressing for Ryan Gosling to watch that video because that was him at his peak and it’s all been downhill from there – SOW
Congratulations to the legendary Not The One hero of the Bronx Bernice Starnes for winning Round Two of the Hot Slut of the Year showdown! Bernice will go on to the grand finals where she’ll battle it out against fellow fuck-deficient jewel, the late Flossie Dickey, and the winner of Round Three.
In my cold medicine-induced haze, I totally jacked up the order in Round Two, so the winning HSOTM from July, Joyce Beatty, is in this round instead. Don’t yell at me for screwing up! Yell at Alka-Seltzer Severe Sinus Congestion & Cough for not stating on the box that you should not take it if you need to put together an extremely important contest on the internet. It’s their fault. Now let’s move on to who will face off with the President of Petty Joyce Beatty in this round.
July – Rep. Joyce Beatty, the U.S. representative for Ohio’s 3rd congressional district who masterfully trolled Melania Trump at the Democratic National Convention when she wore the exact same dress that Melania wore to the Republican National Convention. If Joyce Beatty goes to the inauguration, I hope she keeps the trolling going by wearing head-to-toe yellow.
October – Ana Navarro, the anti-Trump warrior who regularly slayed tricks during the election (and after too) and won my heart several times, but really won it when she screamed “PUSSY” on CNN. If Ana goes to DC for the inauguration, I hope she keeps the slaying going over there by wearing head-to-toe yellow or this.
November– Boston, the seriously talented Boxer who shut down the Mannequin Challenge by doing it a trillion times better than anyone else. In unexpectedly awful news, Boston died not too long ago after getting hit by a car. So Boston is now in heaven, beating the angels in the Mannequin Challenge. (Although, for his sake, I hope the Mannequin Challenge is only a thing that happens on earth and in hell.)
December – McDonald’s McAss cup, the holiday cup from McDonald’s that was supposed to be two mittens but instantly became a pair of spread ass cheeks (aka the official emblem of Dlisted) when you drew hands on it.
Voting is the below. The winner of Round Three will be announced on Thursday and we’ll FINALLY go on to the Final Round. I know your voting finger is worn out like you just had a hot night with Kanye, but hold on a little longer. It’s almost over.
Katy Perry threw her man Orlando Bloom a surprise 40th birthday party at a hotel in Palm Springs, CA on Saturday night and even though Justin Theroux was there, the biggest dick in the room was the blown-up picture of Legolas’ (sadly censored) peen. Katy apparently took the picture that launched a thousand boners and throbbing clits, blew it up and used it as a backdrop for party guests to pose in front of. Some guests made fun of Orly’s salchicha (see: picture above) and others posed normal. It doesn’t look like any of them put their mouths on that black box. I know, Katy and Orlando have weird friends.
Miley Cyrus had three people in her life who were celebrating birthdays over this past week. Her little sister Noah Cyrus turned 18 on the 8th, and both her fiancé Liam Hemsworth and friend Wayne Coyne celebrated their birthdays on the 13th. Miley decided to save her stoner brain the trouble of remembering all those dates by rolling all three into one giant birthday party on Saturday.
Above is a picture from 1999 of the real Tonya Harding working a Florida Tuxedo (it’s like a Canadian tuxedo but without sleeves) and a gorgeous White Rain-encrusted curling iron bang. If that picture was taken in 1994, I’d say that Tonya won the Gold Medal in Shade by throwing that “At least my knee works, bitch” pose. And below are the first pictures of Margot Robbie in Tonya Harding drag on the set of the biopic I, Tonya (working title: I, Margot, Really Want A Fucking Oscar).
Margot Robbie Looks Exactly Like Tonya Harding (PHOTO GALLERY) https://t.co/kOo4b6tVfO
— TMZ (@TMZ) January 16, 2017
That movie also stars Sebastian Stan as Tonya’s child-toucher-looking ex-husband Jeff Gillooly and Allison Janney as Tonya’s abusive mother LaVona Golden. Heather Langenkamp, star of Tonya & Nancy: The Inside Story, is reprising her role as Nancy Kerrigan. That last sentence was co-written by Wishful Thinking. They haven’t said who’s playing Nancy.
About a month before a judge slid a manhole cover over the open sewer that was Johnny Depp and Amber Heard’s divorce battle, Johnny demanded that Amber fork over $100,000 for his legal fees. I thought it was a little odd that a multi-millionaire like Johnny would act up for a measly $100k. As it turns out, his bank accounts have been a little lighter lately, and he’s blaming it on the decisions made by his former business managers. He’s also gotten the legal system involved, because he wants that money back.