Back in November, Brooke Mueller caused everyone in her life to read Yelp reviews for rehab facilities after she caused a cracked out scene at a bar and was seen wandering barefoot around Salt Lake City, Utah. A witness also claimed at the time that Brooke was beating her boys at a car wash. Brooke had just completed a rehab stay in Utah and decided to live there with her and Charlie Sheen’s 7-year-old twins, Bob and Max.
After Brooke lost it at a bar and car wash in Salt Lake City, she underwent a psychiatric evaluation, which turned into another rehab visit. Bob and Max were placed with Brooke’s family. After two months, Brooke’s family has confirmed to Entertainment Tonight that she’s out of rehab. I’m half expecting (okay, more than half) every bar and car wash in the greater Salt Lake City area to start nailing two-by-fours over their doors and windows after hearing that Brooke is on the loose again. But it sounds like she might be in a good place for now. Her mother Moira Fiore said this to ET yesterday:
“I’m really proud of how well Brooke is doing after her treatment plan and being a full-time mom again. She’s very committed to being the best mom and staying healthy.”
If Brooke wants to avoid another “Utah November” – if you will – she needs more than a sober coach. She needs someone who can teach her how to sober-mom. You know, Denise Richards seems to have her shit together, mom-wise. Why doesn’t Brooke move in with Denise? Denise already has experience helping Brooke out with her kids. And whenever shit gets too stressful and Brooke starts itching to take her shoes off, Denise can distract her by laughing about how small their child support checks from Charlie are now.
Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis’ 17-year-old daughter Lily-Rose Depp closed today’s Chanel couture show in something that a rich southern belle would wear to her quinceañera in the 1980s. Lily-Rose looks like a school girl from the 1920s who’s in the middle of getting attacked by a pack of mutated shower puffs from the future. That dress looks like what you would get if you injected steroids into the knitted toilet paper cozy in your memaw’s guest bathroom.
Lily-Rose Depp is apparently Kunty Karl’s current muse and that’s why she wore the wedding dress at the Chanel show in Paris today. Two things:
- I once read an article about the world of couture, and a customer said that nobody asks how much that shit costs. If you have to ask, you can’t afford it. So based on that, I’m guessing that Kunty Karl knows of a billionaire 9-year-old girl who really needs a beyond-froofy froofy Barbie gown for the play wedding she’s having with her teddy bear. Because that’s who that dress is for.
- I hope that Lily-Rose learned how to run in that dress. Because I’m sure that when she and Kunty Karl got backstage, his vampire nostrils started to twitch and when his vampire nostrils start to switch, you better run before it’s too late. He smells your blood!
And here’s more of the Thoroughly Modern Millie’d up models (including a Jenner and a Hadid) at the Chanel couture show.
If only Gavin Rossdale could turn back time. One might think he would go back to the moment in which his hair whispered “Put more Frost n’ Tip on me, Gavin!” or the time his penis whispered “Put me inside the nanny, Gavin!” But if you ask Gavin, he’d like to go back to a couple years ago and try to convince Gwen Stefani to not file for divorce.
Gwen and Gavin were married for 13 years and have three kids, but that train fell off the rails after she finally had enough after allegedly catching him cheating. Gavin spoke about his split from Gwen to Fabulous magazine (via People) and says that he never wanted to get divorced.
“[Divorce] was completely opposite to what I wanted. Really not…” he sighs and stares at the floor. “But here we are. Apart from death, I think divorce is one of the hardest, most painful things to go through.”
As for if he’s ready to start dating after being single for 18 months, Gavin says: “I’ve so much going on, that’s not a factor right now.” Gwen Stefani, meanwhile, is reportedly tasting wedding cakes and picking out table linens.
But back to Gavin not wanting that divorce. He says divorce is the opposite of what he wanted, which would mean he wanted to stay married. Gwen has hinted that the reasons for their split are soap opera-levels of juicy, so what the hell did he think was going to happen? Gwen probably chose divorce as a cost-saving measure. She probably knew that they would go broke spending years in marriage counseling. Every session would end with a dramatic cliffhanger and a popcorn-eating therapist would be like “Oh my god, this is so good, you’ve got to come back next week.”
A quick minute after TMZ posted gross footage of a trainer forcing Hercules the German shepherd into churning water on the set of A Dog’s Purpose, the movie’s director Lasse Hallström and one of its stars Josh Gad called the clip “disturbing.” One of the movie’s other stars, Dennis Quaid, is also disturbed but in a different way. Dennis Quaid is disturbed that a low-down dirty scammer would edit and manipulate behind-the-scenes footage for a stack of money. Basically, Dennis thinks that anybody who believes dog abuse is happening in that clip got GOT!
Ewan McGregor has a new movie, T2: Trainspotting, coming out soon, which means he’s hustling the goods on a series of TV shows. One of the stops on Ewan’s promo tour was supposed to happen this morning on Good Morning Britain, but he decided that he didn’t want to do the show after discovering that one of the hosts is rancid Turkey Twizzler Piers Morgan. Ewan added an extra sting in his slap by making his announcement a public one on Twitter.
Paris Jackson is far, far, far from being the little girl whose dad, Michael Jackson, tried to protect by covering her face with a mask whenever she went out in public. Paris Jackson is now an Alice Cooper-loving 18-year-old with more than 50 tattoos who is working on a modeling career. I had to type the words, “with more than 50 tattoos,” with my nose, because as soon as I was reminded that Paris Jackson is 18, my hands wrinkled, my nails shrank and I’ve got the arthritis in a bad way now. It’s a good thing that a day nurse also showed up when I was reminded that Paris is 18, because I’m going to need someone to open my caramel squares for me.