Some Parents Think Hatchimals Are Vocally Horny

December 31, 2016 / Posted by:

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Imagine you were one of the lucky parents who were able to get their mitts on a Hatchimal this past Christmas season. You get it home, put it under the tree, the kid wakes up, thinks he or she is Santa’s very special snowflake, and puts the Hatchimal to work. “Hatch for us!” the children cry. “FUCK ME“, the Hatchimal responds.

At least this seems to be the case for Victoria, Canada’s Sarah and Nick Galego.

USWeekly reports that the couple probably had to beg, borrow, and murder to get one of these noisy furries in an egg for their 6-year-old son. They were shocked when they discovered that their new Hatchimal was horny and not afraid to express it!

“I’m pretty sure it says ‘F–k me’” the Victoria, Canada–based dad told CTV Vancouver Island News on Wednesday, December 28, just days after his son, Fred, opened the interactive egg that hatches into a furry animal. Added Sarah: “We’re not going to return it … it’s pretty funny!”

The Galego family aren’t the only people thinking their Hatchimals are aching for action.

Other parents have been uploading videos in which the bird-like creatures appear to have an X-rated vocabulary. “My grandson got this Hatchimal for Christmas! We set it aside but then heard it make obscene noises!!!” wrote one YouTube user. “We all looked at each other in astonishment. What is your take on it!!?”

Spin Master (the company that makes these things), assures us that there’s not some horny ho in the manufacturing department slipping sex requests into the egg furries’ programming.

“Hatchimals communicate by speaking their own unique language, which is made up of random sounds, and by making other noises, including shivering when they’re cold and snoring while they sleep,” Spin Master’s spokesperson Tara Tucker tells Us Weekly.

Well, at least the Galego family and the other parents seem to be chill about it. I’m sure the little kids are wondering just why their mom and dad start cracking up every time the Hatchimal…snores? It kind of sounds like “fuck me?” Maybe? It’s not like the creature is busting out of its egg with its legs akimbo and clutching a bottle of lube.

And let me tell you, if I could have managed to get my hands on one of those goddamn stupid Nintendo NES Classic consoles for the other Mr. Harvey this holiday season, I would have totally given it the “D” if it had asked that of me.

Decide for yourself if Hatchimals are looking to get laid by watching the video below. You can watch more dirty Hatchimal videos here and here. Ok, that last sentence was an unsettling thing to type.

Pic: Walmart

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