Just Go Ahead And Give Victoria Beckham The Crown Now

December 29, 2016 / Posted by:

You can just tell that in the above picture she’s thinking “Of course I’m being honored! Now run me that crown and carry me to the throne room so I can prepare more rib crushing garments for skinny bitches!

Let’s just get it out the way. I hate Victoria Beckham. She’s a former member of the Jem and the Holograms/Josie and the Pussycats hybrid band the Spice Girls (as Posh Spice). She’s thin. She’s rich. She gets to buss it wide for hot ass David Beckham. And now, she’s about to receive a high British honor: the OBE (or Officer of the Order of the British Empire, for all you non-royal hoes).

That’s right! People reports that based on her charitable and philanthropic works with organizations like UNAIDS and Save The Children, as well as her contributions to the fashion industry, Posh’s name has been placed upon the Queen’s Honors list.

This doesn’t surprise me, though. Posh is kind of iconic. I remember a few years ago while travelling through Europe, everywhere I went, I saw Posh’s dark, soulless eyes judging me from the covers of magazines and billboards. While eating space cakes in Amsterdam, she looked at me like, “Drop that cake, fat bitch!” While eating at McDonald’s in Tokyo, she looked at me like, “Try the fish Fat Ass, there’s plenty of it!!!” I couldn’t escape her dead gaze, and now that’s she’s receiving this honor, I can almost guarantee you she’ll be demanding a crown be made out of diamonds and the tears of the poor (or the people who can’t fit her clothes. Ironically, they’re the same people).

And don’t be surprised when during the ceremony she requests an additional “B” in her title and asks that it be changed to ORIGINAL BOSS BITCH ENTERTAINER right before the rest of the Spice Girls come out and sing “Who Do You Think You Are?” to Prince Harry’s new girlfriend Meghan Markle. That’s gonna be the real reunion.

Posh is, for once, showing emotion and expressing her delight at the honor. But, as you already know, there’s always some sad troll waiting to say some shit like “Fuck her!” Well, that troll comes in the form of Sarah Vine from The Daily Mail who had this to say (prepare for some hateration from a different kind of OBE- Offended By Everything):

“Victoria Beckham. Erstwhile Posh Spice. Yup, that’s right. Ahead of countless heroic public servants, innovators and inventors, and indeed artists of distinction with decades-long careers of great work, it’s the fringe on a stick who warbled along to Wannabe who receives royal recognition.”

How DARE you, Sarah Vine! That warbling stick is a LEGEND! Sarah concluded her piece with:

If this is the best we can do then there is only one conclusion to be drawn. The honours system, established by King George V in 1917 after the First World War as a means of means of ‘rewarding individuals’ personal bravery, achievement or service to the British Empire’, has run its course.

How can this even be legal? When Posh sends the Royal Guard to lock Sarah’s bitter ass up in the gallows for treason, don’t say I didn’t warn y’all! Because you can just imagine after receiving the OBE, Posh will think she’s next in line for a shot at the crown, standing outside of Buckingham Palace at least once a week for tea with the Queen. And don’t get me started on the holidays. I can see her now sitting in between Prince William and Princess Kate asking for more dinner rolls and making drunken flirty Cougar Aunt eyes at Harry. And once she’s good and drunk she’ll stand on the table and belt out Resentment while looking at Prince Charles. She’ll say that it was Princess Diana’s spirit that entered her at the time, but the only real spirit she can blame it on is the gin.

Pic: WENN

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