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December 27, 2016 / Posted by:

MicroRave!

A MicroRave sounds like a name for a rave for little children, which sounds like a nightmare, because children already act like they’re on E and other party drugs, so can you imagine if they actually did take E and/or other party drugs?! NIGHTMARE! But back in 1988, MicroRave was the name of a gourmet dessert product that Betty Crocker sharted out for lazies or busy bitches who were way too busy to bake a cake in the oven.

Before the hot chocolate diarrhea in a plastic bowl named Warm Delights came along, there was Betty Crocker’s MicroRaves. If you were a working parent in the late 1980s and wanted to make your kid a freshly baked birthday cake but only had four minutes to do it, MicroRave was just for you (and since kids would probably eat a rotting piece of trout if it was covered in corn syrup and ten pounds of sugar, they loved it!) If you were a stoner in the late 1980s, then MicroRave was probably something you called “dinner.”

MicroRave came in several flavors and all you had to do was splash in some water, pop it in a microwave, set that shit for four minutes and prepare your palate for the sweet deliciousness. And it came with frosting! Here’s the commercial starring a really cluttered kitchen and a low-budget Kathleen Turner voice wannabe.

MicroRaves went away in 1992, which was way before its time. Nowadays when I want a freshly baked cake while stoned, I pour the cake powder into a bowl and get overwhelmed by that, so I just shrug, give up and eat the cake mix dry with a spoon. Oh, MicroRave, where are you when I need you most?

Pic: Pinterest

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