Since we’ve already brought you one traumatic tale of the trials and tribulations of a bright shining A-lister in the universe, I’ll bring you another one.
Mischa Barton was the second one knocked out of the 22nd season of Dancing with the Has-Beens and Never-Wases and just like the viewers who watched her attempts at dancing, she screamed out a hallelujah after she was told to jazz walk off the plank. Mischa always looks miserable in the mug, but on DWTS, she really had DMV face (the face you make while waiting at the DMV) and a wet branch has better dancing skills than her. On DWTS, Mischa’s facial expressions were set to “Kristen Stewart taking a shower,” and on the inside she was “Kristen Stewart taking a looong shower.” It was agony for her and she hated every kick ball change.
Mischa is the host of a new car-themed show on the Esquire Network called Joyride, and while promoting that shit in an interview with The Ringer, she thought back to the pain and suffering she went through on Dancing To Pay My Damn Rent. Mischa says she mainly did the show because she wanted to show off her talent for pairing a sequined onesie with just the right shade of hose. Mischa totally didn’t do it because she needed money to pay the repo man who was on his way to collect another one of her cars.
“Ugh. I had no idea it would be so bad. I got told off by my dancer. I was supposed to control the costumes, I was told that I could do the design aspect of it, that’s kind of the reason why I agreed to do it. That didn’t happen. It wasn’t collaborative like a choreographer on a film set. … I was so confused by it. It was like The Hunger Games. It was all a popularity contest. It was awful. I was so glad to get kicked off.”
Mischa’s comparison to The Hunger Games makes sense to me. Although, DWTS is more like a reverse Hunger Games. In the Hunger Games, the contestants are alive and most end up dead. In DWTS, most of the contestants’ careers are dead and they’re trying to revive it by doing the Samba in bedazzled character shoes.
Mischa’s quote about DWTS is the one that’s getting the most attention (from blogs who have a daily quota to meet), but this one is my favorite. 30-year-old Mischa said this about the young tricks today.
“I came from the days of real film. There was no digital. It takes a second to switch your brain over to that; it did for me. Now these young people think it’s so easy to be famous. It isn’t easy. They think it’s so easy to handle fame. It isn’t.”
On any given weekday, you can find a turban-wearing Mischa Barton in a corner booth at Dan Tana’s petting her dead monkey while going on about how these young little sons of bitches of today think they have it so easy, but they don’t and she knows because she came from the days of real SIN-UH-MUUUH! And then Mischa Desmond slips out of her booth, arches her back and dramatically walks outside to find that none of the paps she texted showed up, so she sadly can’t do her, “Mr. Schwartz, I’m ready for my close-up,” line.
Here’s pictures from last month of Mischa working a jumpsuit she probably wore during her community service days at some event in L.A.