McDonald’s McSalad Shakers!
Mark this day in Hot Slut of the Day history when a food thing that was actually sprouted out of the ground gets the HSOTD treatment. Although, this is McDonald’s we’re talking about, so their lettuce is probably lab-grown edible plastic, the tomatoes are tomato-flavored corn syrup gel cubes, the carrots are orange salt slivers and the dressing is laced with ranch-flavored crack so you’ll keep wanting more and more.
Back in the days of the early aughts, McDonald’s tried to make salad, the Coldplay of food (read: boring), FUN! So they put lettuce, carrots, tomato cubes, croutons, cheese and other shit in a Starbuck’s Frapp cup. If you used your eyeballs to read the words in that picture above, then you already know that the three types of McSalad Shakers they offered up were garden, chef and grilled chicken Caesar. You’d pour the dressing into the cup, close it up and shake, shake, shake to healthiness!
McSalad Shakers came out in 2000. And in 2003, they were erased from the menu and replaced with the boringly-named Premium Salads.
I’m lazy and also someone who likes every inch of my lettuce to be covered with blue cheese dressing, so I’ve been known to put my salad into a giant Ziploc bag, toss in the insides of half a bottle of dressing and shake. So it’s times like those when I miss McSalad Shakers. McDonald’s really marketed them wrong. Not only was a McSalad Shaker a healthy appetizer before your entree (a Big Mac and a 10 piece Chicken McNugget), dessert appetizer (apple pie) and entree dessert (hot fudge sundae), but it was an exercise and sex act tool. It caused you to burn calories AND it worked out your best handjobbin’ hand. McSalad shakers were a triple threat and were really gone before their time….