Lawyers Are Trying To Move Nick Loeb And Sofia Vergara’s Frozen Embryos To The Embryo Safe Haven Of Louisiana
The fucked-up fight between Nick Loeb and his ex Sofia Vergara over their two frozen embryos may go on the road and move from California to Louisiana. Great, you know some coked-up Hollywood executive is going to read this story and get ideas about a zany CGI road trip comedy about two frozen embryos driving across the country to escape death. Strangely enough, Sofia will probably be offered the role of one of the frozen embryos.
So far, Nick Loeb’s obsessive fight to get custody of the frozen embryos he made with Sofia Vergara when they were together has gone nowhere. The Onion Crunch mogul really, really wants to try to turn the frozen embryos into humans. But since Sofia has long moved on from the douche water-dipped dildo, she wants to keep the embryos frozen. Nick sued Sofia in California, but dropped the lawsuit after a judge ordered him to name the two ex-girlfriends who had abortions when they were together.
Nick has a reputation as a creepy mess to uphold, so he isn’t stopping. The fight over Nick and Sofia’s frozen embryos threw itself into major fuckery territory when a new lawsuit was filed in Louisiana earlier this month. A lawsuit was filed on behalf of the two female frozen embryos and because it wasn’t messy enough, the frozen embryos were given the names “Emma and Isabella.” Emma, Isabella and their trustee James Charbonnet are suing Sofia Vergara in Louisiana, because “they” want to be given to Nick Loeb so they can live and have access to a trust that was set up for them. Well, the good news for Sofia is that if a guest at a holiday party tells a story and says, “Isn’t that the weirdest thing ever?“, she can shut their asses up with, “Bitch, my frozen embryos are suing me.”
Page Six reports that since the legal shenanigans have been moved from California to Louisiana, lawyers will ask the frozen embryos’ current home, the ART Reproductive Center in Beverly Hills, CA, to ship them to a facility in Louisiana. Lawyers apparently think that ART may agree to ship the frozen embryos because they’re currently in the middle of this bizarro world Kramer vs. Kramer battle and don’t want to be anymore. ART probably won’t agree to that, though, since they contractually agreed to not do anything with the embryos without the consent of both Nick and Sofia.
If ART and Sofia refuse to let the frozen embryos go to Louisiana, lawyers will file another lawsuit to try to make it happen. Page Six says that Louisiana was most likely chosen as the new battleground for this insane fight because it’s the only state where embryos have their own legal rights and aren’t considered “chattels,” or personal possessions.
Nick’s lawyer, Mark J. Heller, released a statement saying that Nick isn’t directly involved in the latest lawsuit (uh huh):
“Although Nick Loeb is not a party to the existing litigation or [this] subsequently contemplated litigation, he may be a beneficiary if the court adjudicates that the embryos are not chattels but entities with constitutional rights of survival. Such a ruling would defeat [Vergara’s] intention to keep her daughters’ embryos frozen in perpetuity and endorse the irrevocable right of parenthood granted to donors when they contribute to the creation of an embryo.”
Doesn’t Nick Loeb know that there’s easier and cheaper ways to obsess over an ex? Stalk ’em on Facebook like a normal person, Nick! And if this new lawsuit goes anywhere, I fully expect Sofia’s lawyers to fight foolery with foolery by making Nick’s housekeeper sit in a deposition so they can ask if Nick ever threw his cum Kleenexes into the trash can. Because that wasn’t a cum Kleenex he threw into a trash can, it was a million future babies!
And here’s Sofia’s husband Joe ManJello wearing way too many clothes while going to the Porsche Design store in Beverly Hills over a week ago. During these trying times, Joe should’ve given us something like walking into that Porsche store half-naked. How selfish of him.