Mariah Carey was on Watch What Happens Live (via ET) last night to push her mostly boring reality show, and whenever the Spanx-wrapped unicorn and the shifty Siamese Cat get together, the clubhouse floor gets covered with shadiness. Mimi didn’t totally disappoint last night.
One of Mimi’s greatest hits is the whole “I don’t know her” thing, so Andy Cohen played an entire game of Do You Know Her? with the ruler of the lambs last night. While her butterfly tits were passing out from being suffocated by that jumpsuit, Andy spit out the names of pop tricks and Mimi spit out her thoughts of them. Mimi only had nice things to say about Katy Perry, Taylor Swift, Lady Gaga, Britney Spears and Beyonce (because, dahling, Mimi doesn’t want to have to instruct a member of her in-house Photoshop team to stop touching up her pics and remove all those bee emojis from her Instagram page). But Mimi didn’t dribble out candy-coated truffles of niceness about JLo, Madonna, Miley Cyrus and Ariana Grande. Mimi still doesn’t know JLo, she says she’s never had one conversation with Madge and said that she may have met Miley in a bathroom once, but it could’ve been a phlegm ball-covered tissue rag that someone left on a counter. Mimi didn’t say that, but she was probably thinking it.
And when Andy brought up the off-brand Mariah Carey Bratz doll found exclusively in a discount bin at Big Lots, Mimi said that she really doesn’t know anything about her.
Andy: Ariana Grande, do you know her?
Andy: Okay, you don’t know her. When I looked at her earlier in the career, I thought, “Wow, this is kind of an homage to Mariah a little bit.” Did you feel that?
Mimi: Child, I don’t know when early in the career was.
Andy: I don’t know, a couple of years ago, when she came out.
Mimi: But I don’t KNOW, I really don’t… I listen to hip hop more than I listen to pop music.
Ariana Grande Latte has mumble yodeled on songs with hip hop artistes like Mac Miller, Big Sean and Nicki Minaj, so Mimi has definitely heard her songs. But I’m all for Mimi yanking at that donut-destroying toddler’s low-rent Charo ponytail.
As for Demi Lovato… Demi earned herself a stocking full of Santa’s wet shit balls this year when she talked trash about the Queen of Christmas. Demi said that the way Mimi treats JLo and Ariana Grande is nasty and wrong. Mimi told Andy (video below) that a bitch needs to say it to her face.
I don’t know her either, so I wouldn’t say anything to her. She should come up, introduce herself to me, say, “Here’s my opinion, what do you think about it?” That’s how you handle shit.
In Demi’s defense (it hurt my nails typing that), if she gave her thoughts directly to Mimi’s face, how would she get attention for it on social media? Also, if Demi did go up to Mimi, Mimi would probably just hand that trick an empty champagne flute to refill after mistaking her for a minion.
Below is the clip of Mimi letting Demi have it. The thought of butterscotch schnapps did bad things to my hangover, but Mimi’s extra diva-ness temporarily cured me of the barfs.