This latest clusterfuck of familial breakdown and social media whoring involving sad Rob Kardashian and Blac “Angela Kardashian” Chyna is so complicated, messy and “look at me!” that you sort of just want to close and lock the door on it and just come back later for the bodies. Chyna is claiming that the father of her child, Rob of the Socks, hacked her Instagram account to punish her for taking baby Dream and leaving him. There’s a lot of data to download in this one, and I see you trying to close down your brain’s wifi! If I have to go through this, you do, too!
People reports that “world of the pole” emigrate Chyna claimed that her Instagram account was hacked in a series of Snapchat posts yesterday. The alleged hacker posted a series of screenshots of Notes claiming that they were Blac Chyna and that she had taken the baby and left Rob. She actually did, but the villainous “hacker” wanted to beat her to the punch and make her look as bad as possible. Here’s where I’d like to point out that it took decades for people like me (gays) to finally achieve marriage equality and be able to adopt children. Just sayin’.
Whoever allegedly hacked Chyna’s account clearly has a lot of anger towards the Rob & Chyna star. In a series of screenshots of Notes, the anonymous person first claimed that they were Chyna and that she had left Kardashian, a claim that later appeared to be true.
“I no longer am with Rob,” the hacker wrote, posing as Chyna. “I left him and took the baby and did not even let him know.” The hacker then threatened to release alleged screenshots of Chyna’s direct messages with other men and an alleged text conversation she had with her lawyer over trademarking her presumed married name, Angela Renee Kardashian.
The “hacker” (can I just start calling him “Rob?“) then switched from posting as Chyna to posting as someone who obviously hates her ass and began threatening to release conversations she’d had with other men, and then did so. The “hacker” also posted a “Kris Jenner can go kick rocks” conversation Chyna allegedly had with her lawyer when she was trying to trademark her married name. I like that last part. Burn the witch, girl!
In one post, the hacker showed a screenshot of what they claimed was a conversation with Chyna’s lawyer where she said she wasn’t going to “ask Kris” before attempting to trademark her name before her wedding.
“So shady and look how she says until we win,” the hacker wrote in a caption of the text conversation. “Stop using Rob! You already had his baby out of spite !!”
Oh, there’s more (there’s always more, this is the koven). Before I continue, I would like to publicly state that, if this is an attention grab for Season 2 of “Pole Meets Hole” and they made me write this long-ass blog post about a hoax, I am going to be very, very cross with these two fools. I’m preparing a “my typing fingers are fatigued, assholes” cross-country glare just for the occasion.
Chyna’s “hacker” went ahead with the alleged convos she had with dudes who weren’t dejectedly watching porn 24-7 from atop of a pile of unsold “designer” socks and Ring Ding wrappers like her husband.
The hacker then shared an alleged (and undated) direct message conversation between Chyna and rapper Young Thug. In the conversation, Young Thug allegedly says he wants to “stunt” with Chyna. The hacker wrote that Chyna was apparently asking Young Thug for money, although it is unclear from the alleged conversation what they were actually talking about.
Ugh, everyone in this world sucks. In what Chyna should take as the worst blow to her reputation, the Instagram hacking fiend posted an exchange between Chyna and…wait for it…galactic consciousness translator and diehard Dr. Strange stan Jaden Smith. Oh, Chyna, no.
In another post, the hacker shared an alleged conversation between Chyna and Kylie Jenner‘s ex-boyfriend Jaden Smith. The 18-year-old son of Will Smith says he thinks “this Kylie-Tyga s—-” is “sus” (a slang term for scandalous) and that he thinks we “need to sit down with a glass of wine and talk about our feelings.”
“I know it’s hard … If u wanna talk that’s fine … Not over wine tho,” Chyna allegedly responded, with a winky face emoji.
Pass me the glass if you’re not going to drink that wine, Chyna, I’ll take it. It’s the only way to get through this shit. TMZ reports that Rob dropped the “hacker” disguise and took to HIS various social media accounts to give a tour of his house that is now devoid of annoying wife, Chyna’s son with ex Tyga and poor baby Dream. All the furniture is gone, too. Jeez, when Chyna leaves, she leaves with everything. She cleans house like the Grinch! He also whined about how she did him wrong in an Instagram post (via The Shade Room).
Rob posted a message on his Instagram account, saying, “I loved every inch of that woman and loved everything that came with her. I truly loved Angela. I gave everything I owned for her. Didn’t know I was just part of her plan. I really believed she was in love with me the way that I was with her and I am so hurt and never felt this before.”
You still with me? It’s over soon, I swear. Dream’s mother Chyna shot back that she was helping Rob get his shit together and it was all for naught! She also accused Rob of verbally abusing her when he wasn’t “STILL TEXTING BITCHES!!!!!“. The Shade Room has the screenshot.
“I was verbally abused every other day,” she continued. “I was still there with nothing but high hopes for us! I had to beg him to cut his hair, To take his braces of, and To get more into his businesses! I shouldn’t have to tell any grown ass man s—! Not to mention Just brought him a brand new 2016 Range Rover! I PUT MY PRIDE ASIDE & I GAVE UP MY HOUSE TO MOVE INTO KYLIE’S HOUSE WITH HIM TO BE WITH A MAN!! We weren’t together in that house 2 whole weeks before he starting calling me all types of bitches & hoes!
Chyna also claimed that the conversations the “hacker” posted were “OLD AF!” and Rob dug them up and used them because he couldn’t find anything current “to be mad about.” Chyna concluded this mess by posting a pic of herself in a bikini. As one does.
It seems like only yesterday (it was) that these two rampaging assholes were rollng their corpulent selves under a shower of MONAY! WHY HAS TRUE LOVE FORSAKEN THE WORLD? Honestly, if this was all a carefully programmed-for-maximum-attention Kris Jenner special, I’m sending everyone involved a fruit cake. No one likes a fruit cake. And Christmas cards FILLED with glitter that you find all over your house for the next thousand years. I dislike all of these people intensely. Except for Dream. Hopefully, a nice non-reality television-centered family finds and adopts her someday.