I’ve always suspected that when someone gets a job as a late-night network TV show host, their brains are replaced with a hard drive that causes them to feel zero human emotion and makes it possible for them to experience all kinds of annoying and embarrassing shit without cringing to death. My suspicions were confirmed with the video of James Corden singing out the Queen of Christmas’ All I Want For Christmas Is You over and over again during Carpool Karaoke on The Late Late Show. Okay, I know that technically Mary is the Queen of Christmas since without her, there would be no fucking Christmas. But did Mary co-write and sing a Christmas song that is played every hour on the hour in every damn drugstore from October to January? She did not. So Mary is like the Duchess of Christmas, or something.
A bored Mariah Carey and her ( . ) ( . ) opened up the All I Want for Christmas Carpool Karaoke extravaganza and they were followed by past CK guests: Adele, two-faced Mimi hater Demi Lovato, Nick Jonas, Elton John, Selena Gomez, Lady Gaga, Chris Martin, the Red Hot Chili Peppers and Gwen Stefani. This was obviously in the works for a minute and James Corden knew he’d have to listen to that song over and over again before Christmas. That proves he’s a robot, because most of us would’ve opened the SUV door and thrown ourselves into oncoming traffic halfway through the second performance of it.
And they all tried, but Mimi’s isolated vocals from 2014 will forever be the best and most entertaining version of All I Want For Christmas Is You.
That is the reason for the season. Merry Mimimas!