Open Post: Hosted By Suzanne Somers Bringing Tons Of Sex Bomb Star Power To The “Passengers” Premiere
When the organizers of last night’s Passengers premiere at the Village Theater in Westwood, CA laid eyes on Jennifer Lawrence wearing another tragically boring Dior (more like DiBORE) and Chris Pratt wearing a snooze-worthy suit, they immediately hit the glamour emergency switch attached to the wall. Approximately 15 seconds later, a siren was heard in the near distance and 30 seconds after that, a stretch limousine with flashing lights on top pulled up and out slithered a goddess in sequins, leather gloves and silver cha cha heels. Suzanne Somers landed on the black carpet to bring some much needed sparkly star power, sexiness, glamour and magnetism to that dull affair. Suzanne Somers is a glamorous Captain-Save-A-Ho and the ho she saved was the Passengers premiere.
Suzanne also brought her baked-to-perfection silver grandaddy husband of around 39 years, Alan Hamel, to the premiere with her. Suzanne committed a major act of charity by graciously taking that event from 0 to 4,999,999,999 on the glamour scale. Her job was done, but the holidays must’ve made her extra charitable, because she and Alan delivered a trillion times more heat than Jennifer and Chris (probably) bring in the movie when they did this:
I haven’t looked, but I’m sure there’s reports saying that the sprinklers went off at the Village Theater last night. Because if Suzanne and Alan were getting into some piping hot foreplay fun on the carpet, they may have really heated that bitch up by going all the way in the theater to meet their daily quota. Suzanne said this on The Talk in October:
“[We have sex] a couple times a day. He’s on hormones and I’m on hormones.”
If hormones bring the sex and hotness, then maybe the makers of Passengers should inject some into that lukewarm shit before it comes out next week. Or better yet, just re-shoot it real quick with Suzanne and Alan!