Once the CIA finishes their investigation into the shady Russia stuff, can they please open up an investigation into the cyber attack I suffered through when someone sent me this hurtful video. This video caused pain to my eyeballs, my nostrils (because I inhaled a large cloud of bullshit fumes) and my throat (from heaving).
Rob & Chyna was renewed by E! for a second season, because Chyna hasn’t really fulfilled her oath to Pimp Mama Kris until she’s delivered a sex tape, a wedding, another spawn or two, a divorce and some kind of medical drama that can be milked for at least 10 episodes. Rob and Chyna celebrated the renewal of their shit show by Snapchatting themselves sucking each other’s faces as it rained money on them. It’s like an ultra romantic version of the kissing in the rain scene from The Notebook…
Rob shot a video of him throwing a wad of money at Chyna, and at first, she acted like she was mad, but then sparkly hearts filled her eyes as she canoodled with her true love. I’m talking about that pile of money, not Rob. If you edited out Rob and set the video of Chyna and that money to the theme song from Love Story, you’d have the truest definition of real love I’ve ever seen.
Chyna must’ve put some animal sauce from In-N-Out on her lips to make sure that Rob kissed her extra passionately. It worked!
Pimp Mama Kris should really say a special toast to Rob and Chyna at the next Kartrashian Koven sacrificial ritual, because they did good with that video. That video should really be the official Kardashian family krest. It has everything. It’s vapid. It’s tacky. It’s trashy. It’s fame whorey. It’s eye roll fuel. And it’s got fake asses, fake affection and MONAY! That video IS the Kartrashians.
And because I know your genitals were begging for a preview of their fuck tape after I mentioned it above, here you go:
Yes, I hate you and I hate myself.