Seen above with a mug that’s filled to the top with boiling potent LIES, Tarek and Christina El Moussa of the HGTV show Flip or Flop announced yesterday that their marriage is almost as dead as the life in their eyes. The story was that the cops responded to a call about a suicidal dude with a gun and when they showed up to the couple’s Orange County house, they found Tarek running out of there with a gun and Christina shaking and crying. The cops didn’t arrest anyone, but they did confiscate a bunch of guns that Tarek had locked up in a safe.
After that messy shit went down in May, Tarek and Christina were supposedly working on their broken marriage and ultimately decided that they want to break up after 7 years of being married. But yesterday, People said that the only thing they’ve been working on since May is rubbing their down-low parts on another piece. And to think, they look so genuinely in love with each other in those annoying Christmas ads that terrorize my eyeballs every time I watch HGTV. Yes, I mean the complete opposite of “genuinely in love.”
People’s sources (who are probably Hilary and David from Love It Or List It, because you know those shifty bitches live to gossip) say that Tarek and Christina’s marriage was already floating belly up in the sewers of Yorba Linda before he lost it in May. That incident reportedly had nothing to do with why they ended things. Sources say that they’ve been over since at least May and living apart. Christina lives with their two kids in their home and Tarek visits a few times a week.
Tarek has also been doing other people and Christina is supposedly seeing “a fellow design industry professional.” Because my life is as dull and boring as Christina’s design choices and I could use a heavy dose of HGTV drama (that has to be the most tragic thing I’ve ever typed, which is saying a lot), the thought bubble over my head filled with this picture after reading that she’s dating a fellow design industry professional.
If Christina and one of the Property Brothers mated, their baby would be an animatronic set of veneers with bronzer-covered legs and arms.
Tarek and Christina marriage may be done, but their show is going on and they’re still shooting new episodes together. Well, if Tarek and Christina ever need advice on how to look like they love each other on camera when they really can’t stand each other’s faces, they can ask literally any couple who is on a reality show right now, because they’re all probably faking it. And they’d all probably tell Tarek and Christina, “If you want to look like you’re really in love with that bastard you hate, just picture them as a giant bag of money. That’s helps me!”