It’s been way too long since I’ve been lucky enough to write about a citizen’s arrest. But the citizen’s arrest dry spell is over thanks to actor, comedian and noted mess T.J. Miller allegedly busting a slappity slap show on an Uber driver’s face after fighting about Donald Trump. But before we get to the end-of-the-week fuckery provided by the dude from Silicon Valley, I’ll explain why in that picture, he looks like a 12-year-old you after you pierced your ear in the bathroom using only ice, a safety pin and a prayer. And yes, it’s because of Trump.
T.J. was on Conan last night, pimping out his movie Office Christmas Party, and his nasty ear looked like it does in that picture above. The thing about people who walk around with a safety pin stuck in their bloody ear is that they probably want people to ask about it. So Conan O’Brien asked about it. T.J. said that it was his way of taking part in the Safety Pin Movement. For those of you who don’t know, when Trump’s win punched the life out of many of us, some people took a page from the Brexit protesters by wearing a safety pin on their clothes to show solidarity with minorities, immigrants, the LGBTQ community and women.
Turns out the whole thing was just a staged bit, but at least it gave T.J. a reason to take a dump on Trump, which leads me to his early-morning Uber fight…
TMZ says that early this morning, a drunk T.J. Miller took an Uber from the GQ Men of the Year party in L.A. During that Uber ride, someone in the car made the mistake of bringing up Donald Trump. My drunk ass made that mistake on Thanksgiving night when I asked everyone who they voted for. It ruined dessert. It’s a little hard to eat pumpkin pie when it’s covered with tears, blood and pulled-out hair.
The Uber driver claims that they fought about Trump during the ride and once they got to T.J.’s house, shit got physical. T.J. allegedly slapped the Uber driver in the head. The driver pulled a citizen’s arrest on T.J. and called the cops. The cops say that the Uber driver didn’t have any visible injuries, but they still arrested T.J. He was later released without having to post bail.
The only question I really have is: Did the Uber driver scream “CITIZEN’S ARREST” like this?
Because really, it doesn’t count as a citizen’s arrest unless you scream it like that.
Donald Trump ruins everything, including Uber rides, but with that being said, I would not be surprised if T.J.’s mug shot is released and in it, he’s holding a letter board that reads: GO SEE OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY! OUT NOW!
Here’s T.J. and his fiancee Kate Gorney at last night’s GQ party, as well as pictures of them at the premiere of OCP on Wednesday night.