Welcome To The World, Jagger Baby #8!

December 8, 2016 / Posted by:

Mick Jagger has probably spent a giant chunk of his adult life wet humping and raw dog boning any and everything, so there may be Jagger spawn spread all over the world. That may explain why my Ancestry.com results revealed that I’ve got about 0.89% Jagger blood in me. But as far as we know, Mick was a dad to seven kids and now an eighth human gets to call him their father.

Last July, we all learned that Mick’s 73-year-old great-pepaw peen and balls still got it and aren’t busting out dusty infertile nut loads. One of Mick’s jizz fishes knocked up his current girlfriend, 29-year-old American ballerina Melanie Hamrick. Mick’s rep tells People that today in NYC, Melanie’s first baby and his eighth, came pirouetting out of her body. The rep didn’t say what Mick and Melanie decided to name their baby, who’s a boy, but if you’ve got a total of eight children and the memory chip in your brain is 73 years old, then you’d be dumb to not name your kid anything other than “Hey You.” Mick’s rep spilled out this generic statement:

“Melanie Hamrick and Mick Jagger’s son was born today in New York and they are both delighted. Mick was at the hospital for the arrival. Mother and baby are doing well and we request that the media respect their privacy at this time.”

Mick’s other children are aged 17 to 45 and four of them are older than Melanie. Mick’s also got five grandchildren and one great-grandchild.

Sir Mick is still a seasoned slut and believe it or not, there’s still genitals out there that haven’t been touched by his great-grandaddy dick, so sources say that he’s keeping it casual with Melanie. He’s not looking to marry her, but a source tells The Daily Mail that they plan to co-parent their baby together and he’s setting her up with a home in NYC and giving her money. Before your picky ageist ass says some shit like, “ewww, I’d never let current day Sir Mick bust a moth ball in me,” read this following blockquote, take a look at your checking account balance and then ask yourself again.

Sir Mick is understood to have given Melanie a $150,000-a-year maintenance deal to help the ballerina raise their child.

He is also believed to be helping the New Yorker find a home in the US to raise the boy.

The $150k will be paid until the child is 18, with school fees also paid for. After secondary school a trust will help cover further education and expenses, which could be as much as £500k.

Only until the child is 18?!!! If I was Melanie, I’d make my son wear onesies and diapers for as long as possible. “Oh Mick, darling, your 91 year old ass is mistaken. Baby Hey You isn’t turning 18 this year. He’s only turning 1! And Baby Hey You, shut up, mommy’s talking. Go back to drinking your birthday beer, I mean your birthday apple juice. ”

And because you may not know what Sir Mick’s Baby Mother #5 looks like, this is what she looks like:

Pics: Wenn.com, Splash

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