Donald Trump made Oklahoma attorney general Scott Pruitt, who’s a climate change denier, the head of the Environmental Protection Agency, so yeah, he probably still believes that those pictures of malnourished polar bears are just Chinese actors in malnourished polar bear costumes posing on a studio set in China. But because Jabba the Trump is a star fucker who also really loves getting his dirt star kissed by celebrities, he met with the savior to the environment Leonardo DiCaprio at Trump Tower yesterday. Yes, our future overlord met with Luke from Growing Pains (his greatest role, honestly) about climate change, and he’s also staying on as the executive producer of the Celebrity Apprentice. That confirms it. When the clock struck 12:01 on January 1, 2016, we were also sucked into to an alternate universe.
In addition to maybe fulfilling the roles of the First Lady (excuse me while I wet heave into my mini desk trash can), Ivanka Trump may get into climate change and so she was at yesterday’s meeting with her dad, Leonardo DiCatchAHo and Terry Tamminen, the CEO of the Leonardo DiCaprio Foundation. Terry told CNN that they all met for about 90 minutes and mostly talked about how renewable energy can create jobs. Terry gave this statement afterward:
“We presented the President-elect and his advisors with a framework … that details how to unleash a major economic revival across the United States that is centered on investments in sustainable infrastructure. Our conversation focused on how to create millions of secure, American jobs in the construction and operation of commercial and residential clean, renewable energy generation.”
DiCatchAHo gave Jabba the Trump a copy of his documentary Before The Flood after the meeting (and I’m sure Trump immediately threw it into a bonfire along with all copies of his tax returns). DiCatchAHo also gave Ivanka a copy at a different meeting earlier this week.
I can picture it now. Trump probably served Leonardo and Terry charbroiled polar bear cooked on a barbecue powered by nuclear energy. Yeah, that meeting was mostly just for show, but I’m sure something did come out of it. I’m sure that Trump did ask the leader of the Pussy Posse about how many pussies has he grabbed. And that led to Trump offering Leonardo DiCatchAHo the position of Secretary of Pussy. And that wouldn’t even come close to being Trump’s craziest decision yet.