The all-caps, bold-faced, big font sized DIVA who out-performed everyone and easily snatched up the show during Hairspray Live! last night. (UPDATE: Thanks to everyone who educated me by telling me that the scene-stealing DIVA from Hairspray Live! is Instagram beauty sensation Bretman Rock!)
Hairspray Live! (or as us West Coasters who live in the past call it, Hairspray Rerun!) happened last night and on a scale from Peter Pan Live! to Grease Live! it was closer to Grease Live! and that’s because the Hairspray people pretty much copy + pasted from that production.
For me, the high points were Jennifer Hudson (who’s too young and skinny for that role, but whatever) yodeling her polyester wig off, Kristin Chenoweth filling her tiny person stomach with plywood bits from chewing the scenery, everything Andrea Martin did, Tracy Turnblad saying “solitary refinement” instead of “solitary confinement” and that donut-hating toddler monster Ariana Grande Latte getting what she deserves by tripping (put on your glasses and squint to see that shit):
Although, since Ariana Grande Latte is a true thespian (see: her work in Sam & Cat), that may have been an ACK-TING decision.
The low points for me were Rosie O’Donnell’s 2 cent caca-colored Trump wig, Zac Efron-lite’s (aka that mannequin twink who played Link) “acting,” the public access soap opera lighting, the kids having the energy of a half-dead trout on Ritalin, the janky audio and the camera work, which made me think that all of the camera people huffed several cans of hairspray before the show started. I don’t blame them. But all of that is forgiven because of the Easy, Breezy, Cover Girl performance given by an audience member who really showed every cast member how to exude gallons of charisma in just a few seconds.
The producers gave Darren Criss the HIGHLY IMPORTANT role of commercial break host and when he wasn’t being ignored by the cast members backstage, he was getting the spotlight moved away from him by audience members. Case in point: the diva who was dressed like a 90s Norma Desmond.
Today’s Hot Slut of the Day is Hot DIVA of the Day in honor of the certified diva who delivered FACE! FACE! FACE! FACE! FACE! as Darren Criss said words nobody listened to because they were busy enjoying their front row seat to the show titled: Kendall, Bella, Gigi, WHO?!
I mean, not since Brendan Jordan…
I haven’t been to a Barbizon in years, but I bet that if I walked into any of them, hanging on the wall would be a giant glossy portrait of that velvet-covered star! He’s obviously a Barbizon graduate and more-than-obviously their proudest achievement!
Oh, and I’m also calling for the arrest of the Hairspray Live! producers today for cutting Kristin Chenoweth’s bow short and for not letting the star of the show (that diva) have the final curtsy of the night.