Jensen Ackles Has Entered The Insane Celebrity Baby Name Race

December 4, 2016 / Posted by:

Why would you do this to a poor defenseless infant? Supernatural star and Tumblr moistener Jensen Ackles revealed that his family has grown on Instagram yesterday. His wife Daneel Harris Ackles gave birth to twins on Friday night. The twins were given effed up names. Are you ready?

“Danneel, JJ and I are excited to announce the birth of our twins Zeppelin Bram and Arrow Rhodes,” Ackles wrote alongside a photo of Dr. Seuss’ Thing 1 and Thing 2. “They were born early yesterday morning.Everyone is doing great! #twinning.”

Ok, so Arrow Rhodes isn’t world-ending. It’s certainly no Pilot Inspektor. It sounds like an LL Bean knock-off clothing line that’s sold at Kohl’s, but it will probably be ok. You’re definitely going to end up with an odd, guttural-sounding nickname for the kid because “Arrow” is just too unwieldy to be calling out every day and humans are verbally lazy. So you’re going to be coming into the house and going “AAAAH, you home?” or “AARR, shut off the Playstation, it’s dinner time!” Awkward. Or they could just go with “Row.” They’ve got some decisions to make.

But ZEPPELIN. You named your child ZEPPELIN. ZEPPELIN. I’m not sure what’s worse – the possibility that they named him after an ancient band or that his namesake is the aircraft with history’s worst safety record. Once the other kids look up what a “zeppelin” is, that kid is screwed. Especially if he’s stout. And in our evolving faster-than-light digital age, the mean kids with the insta-meme producing chips in their heads are going to keep telepathically trolling him via their head wi-fi with pics of the Hindenburg Disaster.

Jensen and Daneel already have a 3-year-old daughter named Justice Jay, who works in a hair salon and writes poetry on the side.

Pic: WENN

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