Hot Slut Of The Day!
The anti-Christmas beaver who has already had it with the holidays and went wild at a Dollar General in Maryland!
Looking at that picture of a bitchy beaver screaming at a Santa Claus doll is like looking into a crystal ball for a lot of us, because in a quick minute, we’re going to meltdown in the middle of a Dollar General after hearing (insert the annoying Christmas song that raw fucks your nerves the worst) for the 10 billionth time. CBS News reports that on Monday, a wild beaver waddled into a Dollar General in Charlotte Hall, MD and went straight to the holiday section to declare war on Christmas!
Witnesses to the crime (which Fox News will probably call the Battle At Dollar General in the continuing War on Christmas) say the woodland creature Grinch knocked over some holiday crap before shuffling on over to the fake Christmas trees.
That beaver was either disappointed by the lack of wood on the fake Christmas trees (wouldn’t be the first time that a beaver was disappointed by the lack of wood) or it read the instructions and decided that putting a fake Christmas tree together is too much damn work. Because bitch ran out of that Dollar General, but the animals cops eventually nabbed it. Our future Dictator Overlord Trump announced that his first act as president will be to put that beaver down, because it viciously attacked Santa and an attack on Santa is an attack on Jesus and an attack on Jesus is an attack on America! No, the beaver will eventually be released back into the wild. This message went up the FB page of St. Mary’s County Sheriff’s Office:
Corporal Yingling had an interesting call on Monday when the suspect, pictured below, caused property damage to a dollar store in Charlotte Hall. The suspect attempted to flee the area but was apprehended by Animal Control.
Ok, all joking aside, Cpl. Yingling responded to this call to find a beaver made its way into a dollar store. Animal control responded, safely captured the beaver, and released him/her to a wildlife rehabilitator.
As a law enforcement officer, you just never know what your next call may be..
While I do not condone the destruction of property that doesn’t belong to you (unless that property is an UGG or a CROC), I feel that holiday hater’s pain. We’re all just a Jingle Bell ring away from getting busted by the cops after crotch-punching a Santa doll in a dollar store.
Pics: St. Mary’s County Sheriff’s Office