Today is day 12 of Prince Hot Ginge’s tour through the Caribbean and yet, there’s still not one picture of him wearing nothing but a sly smile a Speedo the size of a snap bracelet. If PHG’s government-paid Caribbean vacation, I mean “work trip,” doesn’t end with a giant photo-op of him wearing a gold flash thong while doing the stereotypical tourist tradition of getting his hair braided on the beach, we the outraged people (aka just me) will storm the gates of Buckingham Palace (aka send an ALL-CAPS rant letter to firstname.lastname@example.org).
Yesterday, PHG visited Barbados and met the island’s empress Rihanna. RiRi first met at a reception yesterday afternoon and in the nighttimes, they sat next to each other at the Golden Anniversary Spectacular Mega Concert, which celebrated the 50th anniversary of Barbados’ independence from the UK. PHG seemed to be filling to the top with excitement over sitting next to RiRi (who wore an Ikea duvet cover for the occasion). That derpy joy face that PHG is making over being so close to RiRi is the same face I make whenever I see brand new pictures of him. And if he’s really like me, then he’s got his hands on his lap, because he’s trying to cover the sticky puddle of glee that his overexcited peen shot out.
RiRi and PHG met up again today for World AIDS Day, and for the second time this year, he got an HIV test in front of a camera. PHG looks so calm, and that’s probably because RiRi smoked his ginger ass out before they got tested. She’s a wonderful hostess.
— Kensington Palace (@KensingtonRoyal) December 1, 2016
What’s weird about that clip is that not one person grabbed PHG’s blood sample out of that technician’s hand and ran off to put it in a vial that they planned to wear around their neck for the rest of eternity. PHG’s guards must’ve sedated everyone beforehand.