You probably took one look at Basic Cable Britney making a “WHY?” face and you thought, “I co-sign your thoughts, Basic Cable Britney.” Well, I don’t co-sign, because these pictures from Lifetime’s latest historical zero-budget masterpiece are everything I’ve wanted and more. These pictures are the bottomless Venti Frapp to my Britney.
Lifetime gave TVLine the first official pictures from their future Emmy-sweeping Brit Brit biopic, which is using the working title of Britney and comes out in February. If I didn’t tell you that these pictures were from a Britney movie, you’d probably think these were rejected pictures from a 90s-era dELiA*s catalog. That picture above is supposed to be of Britney (played by Natasha Bassett) and Kevin Federline (played by Clayton Chitty, that last name…), but since she looks like she’s gotta go gotta go gotta go right now, it looks more like a still from a Detrol LA ad starring two randoms.
These pictures are all trash and I would expect nothing but the worst from Lifetime and that’s why I love them.
Again, this is supposed Natasha as Britney, but she looks more like a fourth-tier Jennifer Lawrence/Lisa Kudrow impersonator who’s decided to try her luck as a Will Ford impersonator.
And this is Basic Cable Britney with Basic Cable Justin Timberlake (played by Nathan Keyes). They are giving me “ad shot exclusively for a Sunglass Hut outlet store in 2001.”
And finally, the turd cherry on top of the turd sundae… Presenting, Lifetime’s version of NSYNC:
When Lifetime gets around to making a Vanilla Ice biopic, the dude playing Joey Fatone can play Vanilla Ice. And if the producers of a low-budget NSYNC porn parody just cast the first dudes who auditioned, the cast would still more like NSYNC than these dudes do. Oh, Lifetime, you’ve outdone yourselves in the department of suck. I can’t wait for this.