I know I’ve typed this before, but the boiling pus pool that was Johnny Depp and Amber Heard’s divorce fight is now over for good. I think. Probably not.
Amber Heard’s lawyer said a few days ago that her divorce settlement with Johnny still wasn’t 100% finalized, even though their asses worked out the details of it months ago. Amber announced back then that she was going to donate all $7 million of her divorce settlement to the ACLU and the Children’s Hospital of Los Angeles. The hold up was reportedly that Johnny wanted to skip Amber’s bank accounts and pay her charities of choice directly. Amber wasn’t down with that and accused Johnny of shamelessly trying to get a tax write-off. They went back and forth and Johnny finally raised a white scarf and has agreed to pay Amber directly.
Johnny has already sent a $100,000 check to both the ACLU and the Children’s Hospital. TMZ says that since Johnny has donated $200,000, he will give Amber $6.8 million. Amber will not get that mountain of cash right away. She’ll get all of it within the next 12 months. She’s expected to make multiple donations to the ACLU and the Children’s Hospital and the full donations will be paid by the end of 2018. That’s what TMZ says, anyway.
TMZ also heard from a shifty source who isn’t holding their breath over Amber donating her multi-million dollar settlement. The source thinks she’s going to keep the cash. I know that I was eyes-open asleep during most of the science classes I took, but I don’t remember any teacher telling us that if layers of crusty neck cheese are mixed with splashes of Jack Daniels on a scarf, the scarf will come to life and grow a mouth to speak to TMZ with. Johnny’s talking scarf is TMZ’s source, right?
And we’ll know for sure if Amber doesn’t donate her settlement. We’ll know because the paparazzi will get pictures of Pimp Mama Kris dropping to her knees and worshipping Amber Heard on the street. I mean, cheating sick kids out of a multi-million dollar donation is deity-level shit to PMK.
Here’s some thrilling pictures from a few days ago of Amber outside of a club in L.A. with a dude who’s either doing lazy Johnny Depp in Blow cosplay or who’s a time-traveling drug dealer from the 70s.