Archives: December 2016

Birthday Sluts

December 5, 2016 / Posted by:

Little Richard (84)
Frankie Muniz (31)
Lauren London (32)
Keri Hilson (34)
Jessica Pare (36)
Nick Stahl (37)
Amy Acker (40)
Paula Patton (41)
Lisa Sheridan (42)
Shalom Harlow (43)
Kali Rocha (45)
Margaret Cho (48)
Lisa Marie (48)
Gary Allan (49)
Amanda Lepore (49)
John Rzeznik (51)
Brian Backer (60)
Morgan Brittany (65)
Jim Messina (69)
Jose Carreras (70)
Joan Didion (82)
Walt Disney (1901-1966)

Pic: Getty

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Madge Wants To Remarry Sean Penn, Hates Donald Trump

December 4, 2016 / Posted by:

Madonna – she’s just like us! Except for the wanting to remarry Sean Penn part. Her being married to that guy once was enough for me… he screams at the microwave to go faster and the dogs are afraid of him. Madge’s twerking her possibly new ass beside junior cat person Ariana Grande the other night was but one saucy delight amongst many at her Art Basel benefit. She also brought back her latest stage creation, the trampy ladyclown with the drinking problem, to raise money and troll President-elect Donald Trump with the inadvertent help of Britney Spears. By the way, that’s Madge in the pic up top. Lisa Frank isn’t coming out with a horror movie.

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Our President-Elect Is Mad At SNL Again

December 4, 2016 / Posted by:

Saturday Night Live giggled at our quirky President-elect’s tweeting obsession last night, and our quirky President-elect has proven once again that he has the same sense of humor as Nickelback (that would be none). I guess we know who will be playing at the inauguration.

In what should become their weekly Donald Trump trolling sketch (because it’s what America needs besides shorter lines at the DMV, teleporters that won’t turn you into human/fly hybrids and, you know, hope), SNL went in on Trump for re-tweeting a 16-year-old high school student.

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

December 4, 2016 / Posted by:

Moonies!

The 1980s are truly and whoreheartedly (typo an it stays) the most tasteful era of the 20th century and if anybody tells you otherwise, direct them to this shit. Back in the 80s, whenever anybody wanted to turn their vehicle into a chariot of pure class, they just sunctioned a Moonies to one of their car windows. Voila, instant class!

Like the classy car window decoration known as Suction Cup Garfield, Moonies brought entertainment and sophistication to every car window. Moonies looked like a cross between a fat Alice the Goon and a weirdly-shaped dick with shifty eyes drawn on it (yes, I’d still hit it). None of the kids I knew had parents who were connoisseurs of refined car decorations, so the only time I got to play Moonies was at a Spencer Gifts, or some shit. All you had to do was slap a Moonies on your car window and squeeze a bulb to moon a stupid asshole driver. In case you need a visual, a kind soul provided one on YouTube:

Now, whenever I want to let a shit driver know how I feel, I prefer to use the old-fashioned method of flipping their asses off while cursing loud enough out of my opened window for them to hear. But I do love the thought of rating another trick’s driving by simply squeezing a bulb. If Moonies could also scream out the words, “I’m memorizing your license plate and gonna turn your stupid piece of trash in, you cuntastic asshole,” it’d be perfect!

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