Back in July, 29-year-old Playboy Playmate and the owner of veneers the size of a Maine, Dani Mathers earned a place on Satan’s Most Inspiring People of the Year list when she Snapchatted a picture of a naked 70-year-old in the locker room of her gym and sharted out the caption: “If I can’t unsee this then you can’t either.” Well, soon, Dani may not be able to unsee the image of her cellmate going diarrhea on their shared toilet after eating Prison Pad Thai made with Top Ramen, hot sauce and ketchup packets. (Ho, please, like that’s going to happen.) Because Dani was charged with one count of invasion of privacy earlier this month. And yesterday, Dani burped up her plea and that plea was not guilty.
Dani let out a manufactured apology already and said posting it was an accident, but that wasn’t enough for the 70-year-old lady she shit on or for Los Angeles prosecutors. Dani’s pretrial date has been set for December 21st. If she’s found guilty, she could get six months in jail and be ordered to pay a $1,000 fine.
Dani’s lawyer will probably argue that bullshit “accident” defense. I’m sure Dani will say that she fell on her phone in the locker room and doing so caused her phone to take the picture, write the caption and Snapchat it. It’s an honest mistake! And the chance of me seeing Prince Hot Ginge’s freckled crotch rod live and in person is greater than the chance of Dani seeing the inside of a jail cell. But Dani shouldn’t be sent to jail anyway. If she’s found guilty, she should be ordered to spend 10 minutes in a locked room with a bunch of 70-year-old women. Dani’s extra-strength veneers would crack from her teeth chattering out of fear while staring at a gang of mad memaws.