Evan Peters And Emma Roberts Are Engaged Again

November 27, 2016 / Posted by:

American Horror Story victims Evan Peters and Emma Roberts are reportedly once more betrothed. These might actually be crazy kids are the very definition of on-again/off-again.  “Are we engaged this minute?” Evan asks Emma, who usually responds by allegedly biting him.

USWeekly has multiple sources claiming that Emma has been sporting an engagement ring on the set of that beyond redemption (despite even the presence of Jamie Lee CurtisScream Queens mess. “Let’s make American Horror Story meaner but funny!” Great idea. And I know I’m not supposed to clown on a Ryan Murphy show because he’s the kind of Hollywood that will come for you. For example, remember the time he went after Dave Grohl when Dave denied him the use of Foo Fighters tracks for Glee? But hey – they can’t all be winners.

Believe it or not, I am a HUGE Ryan Murphy fan. What I saw of The People v. O.J. was brilliant, and the second season of American Horror Story was close to perfection. The thirteen-episode gut-wrenching horror movie where you cared about the characters and rooted for them to survive Briarcliff Manor until the very end. And I will never forget the Nip/Tuck episode during “The Carver” arc where the frat boys had their faces glued to their buddy’s bare ass. It made me uncomfortable and grossed me out but also spurred some disconcerting feelings within that I still have to work through in therapy. The Normal Heart made me sob for several hours over what might have been for practically a whole generation of gays and also showed me that Julia Roberts can sort of act a little. See, I adore Ryan Murphy product. Just not Scream Queens. Don’t get me started on The New Normal. Or this past season of AHS. Although watching Evan make out with a dude in the bathtub and talk about his velvety nipples goes a lot more towards that redemption thingy than Jamie Lee Curtis.

Oh yeah, Evan and Emma. They’ve been together forever and then not so forever and then forever again. They got engaged back in 2013 but disengaged in June of 2015. They got BACK together in August of that year but then split this past May again. They decided to give it another go in September. She must be bored of that ring by now.

Baby, will you marry me?

Oh yeah, sure. I’ll totally marry you. Oh, there’s the ring. Um, about that…can we get a new one?

Why? It’s a perfectly good ring. That’s a huge diamond you’ve got there, babe.

It’s just that I’ve seen it so many times now, and it’s kind of gotten tired. My friends already saw it, you know?

Do you know how much this ring cost me? I had to show my balls to Jessica Lange while she caned me to afford this shit!

Sure, I get that and stuff, but I want a new one. I DESERVE a new one. DON’T MAKE ME (ALLEGEDLY) PUNCH YOU IN THE NOSE AND (ALLEGEDLY) BITE YOU.

TMZ has pics of the couple walking around Provincetown this week and making out here and there. That’s my neck of the woods (well, south of my neck of the woods)! I’m celebrity-adjacent now! They walked up and down Commercial Street. I do that! Do you know how many times I’ve vomited on Commercial Street? They probably didn’t emulate my in-no-way-multiple visits to the Dick Dock, though. Way too cold this time of year.

Pic: Splash

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