You can say what you want about Lindsay Lohan, but you can’t say that her attention-whoring isn’t topical. Lindsay was supposed to yacht her ass to the British town of Kettering and turn on their Christmas lights. Perhaps confusing the Kettering’s Christmas lights with a movie set (back when she was a working actress who got paid to show up on those), she tweeted a video apology to the town on Friday saying she wouldn’t be able to make it. She’s super busy trolling Ariana Grande and her fans on Instagram and losing digits on yachts. But why Kettering? Why is she ruining Christmas for an entire town? And what does it have to do with the Brexit? It’s a fascinating story (isn’t it always with Lindsay?), so grab your ciggies and let’s go!
Britain voted to leave the European Union this summer aka the “Brexit.” Lindsay, perhaps on her 2:30 AM Twitter/cigarette-puffing break that night, tweeted several times on the matter. For some reason, she singled out the British town of Kettering in a tweet which she later nixed.
Was she visiting Kettering one time and they were out of her particular brand of smokes, hence the targeting? Who knows, but Member of Parliament Phillip Hollobone noticed Euro-Lindsay’s #REMAIN efforts and called her ass out, according to The Telegraph!
MP Philip Hollobone invited the actress “to switch on the Christmas lights … thus redeeming her political reputation and raising money for good causes” in a speech to the House of Commons on June 30.
Lindsay having a political reputation is like me color-commentating on the NFL. Shit is laughable. Still, Lindsay smells attention like a pig can sniff out truffles. “Why, I would love to grace your little town with my freckled majesty and keen worldview!”
This could have been everything. Picture Lindsay’s crazy ass showing up to a town Christmas tree lighting in her Mean Girls “Jingle Bell Rock” outfit 12 years later! What if she accidentally kicked the boom box into the mayor’s wife’s face while trying to reach for an ashtray (and the check they probably agreed upon)? Alas, as you probably guessed, Lindsay ain’t showing up. We should all thank her, though, for not employing that bullshit “Lilohan” accent she’s been using in one of her other media attention streams.
Watch a Snapchat flower-crowned Linds apologize for never planning on showing up below. Did they really expect her to come? She’s got a club to run (chuckle)! And turkey to eat! And it’s not like Kettering gets the good coke. That’s why you party in London proper.
Kettering wish I could be with you today sending all my ❤️. Happy holidays!! pic.twitter.com/a383OipE22
— Lindsay Lohan (@lindsaylohan) November 24, 2016