Alleged plastic surgery virgin and “Deadliest Vagina“ star Catherine Zeta-Jones was annoyed by some pics of her bikini-ed ass that the paparazzi took of her on Turkey Day vacation in Mexico. The Huffington Post reports that she promptly took that ass to her Instagram to show it off the RIGHT way.
CZJ’s ass will have agency! And it will be atop tippy-toes for the maximum sexy!
“Pissed the paparazzi photographed my ass, thus sharing the photographs my husband took of my ass. Always a better option for viewing.”
“…of my ass, cuz’ my ass should be presented in the best possible ass light for asses.” That’s a lot of “ass” in that Instagram post explanation, CZJ. Catherine is on vacay with her husband Michael Douglas and the rest of the family.
There’s but one pic of her ass in that post, the other is of her bounteous breasts and flat tummy crushing it at 47. Her vagine might be dangerous, but the rest of her body is generous and life-affirming.
In actuality, the pics over at the Daily Mail that pissed her off weren’t anywhere near bad. She looks like an in-shape lady of her age in a swimsuit. As someone who hates taking his shirt off at the damn beach, I feel nothing but envy for CZJ’s bathing suit pics! If I looked half as good in a bathing suit, I’d be alternating between spread-eagled and on all fours for the paps atop the hood of my car in the beach parking lot. Which would be weird seeing as I’m not a celebrity, paparazzi don’t follow me around and I’d probably get arrested for exposure or that little known law against grossing bitches out. There’s also the possibility of rocks being thrown. The beaches in South Boston are no joke.